Father’s Day is almost upon us, so there is still time to take your Dodge Ram down to your local grocery store—and we are assuming, of course, that you are driving the new Dodge Ram, the Mayor of Truckville—and, with “Just Push Play” blaring from the audio system, rolling out to pick up a 5.7-ounce bottle of “Joe Perry’s Rock Your World Boneyard Brew Hot Sauce.” That’s right, presumably not making enough from records, tours, DaimlerChrysler, etc., Perry has branched out into condiments. According to the news release, “The Axeman [sic] has been involved with every step of the development, from the way the sauce tastes to the types of bottle and packaging concept.” We’ll pause so you can catch your breath after that revelation. It continues, “To Joe, cooking mirrors rock and roll.” While I’ve never associated spare ribs with rock and roll, I suppose some correlation can be made. “Says Perry, ‘If you’re gonna play, play it loud. If you’re gonna cook, cook with fire!!!!” And if you’re gonna use punctuation, use lots of it.
http://www.joeperrysrockyourworld.com/brought to you by joe perry’s rock your world, inc. – now that’s scarry.can anyone dream up some other asinine product tie-ins to be used to exploit a rock star’s image?red hot chili pepper’s hot saucenick drake’s anti-depressantsmorrissey’s dipitty doo hair geljack white’s rockin’ flobeeelton john’s adult undergarments
ryan adams XXX malt liquor
Go-Gos Go-Bots
How about “The Elliott Smith Needle and Spoon Kit?” Simple convenience for those in need a new set of works before one of those oh so embarassing live performances.
Smack sold seperately.
Neil Young rolling papers (no joke): http://store.artistdirect.com/store/prod/detail/0,,1654939,00.html
“And if your gonna use punctuation, use lots of it.”Shouldn’t that read: “you’re going to” instead of “your gonna?” And what about starting sentences with “and?” ;)
K: good catch on the homonym (which I’ve subsequently corrected). And as for starting with the conjunction–I stand with Winston Churchill on that one–of course, he’s been dead for quite some time, so I suppose he doesn’t stand.Doesn’t Sammy Hagar have a tequila? (That is a rhetorical question because I’m hoping that none of you really knows the answer.)
How about the Ryan Adams “John Rzenik Mask”
The NEW Weight Gain 3000 spokesman – Andrew W.K.!”Beefcake! Beefcaaaaaaake!”
Michael Jackson, skin reconstruction gel for men.Cher for women.Wier’s wok sauce. that’s real and it sucks but its got a cool bottle.
Weir’s Kurt Cobain, motivational speaking.John Popper Diet.
Ted Nugent’s Vegetarian BurgersMarilyn Manson for Hostess Fruit Pies
The Nuge has a new book out called “Kill It And Grill It”.Don’t forget about Newman’s Own. Paul Newman, however, doesn’t make a dime off of any of his products, and the company is still independantly run and owned. Profits go to charities.
Metallica File Sharing NetworkWhite Stripes Wedding PlanningJohn Denver AirlinesI would actually love to buy a Flava Flav kitchen wall clock though.
R. Kelly: A Guide for Childrearing.
Christopher Reeves’s video guide to horseback riding.Bob Dole, spokesman for Viagra! (Oh wait, he already does that)Lewinski’s Cigars, hand dipped for the President in all of us.
Iggy Pop Tarts. You know, for your health…