Kid Rock Uses Dead Body of Joe C. as Hood Ornament

Joe CKeeping with our dedication to only bringing you the IMPORTANT news of the Rock world, Glorious Noise brings you yet another breaking story:

 

Kid Rock Uses Dead Body of Joe C. as Hood Ornament

In a desperate bid to retain his popularity, suburban Detroit rocker Robert “Kid Rock” Richey has resurrected his popular diminutive sidekick, Joseph “Joe C.” Calleja. But Rock is not touring with his little buddy. Instead, he’s had the 3 foot 9 inch Calleja, who died in November of 2000, stuffed and mounted to the hood of a 1985 Pontiac Trans Am.

“My man loved the wind in his hair, the roar of a bad-assed engine and foxy ladies on his jock,” Rock explained of his macabre tribute to his friend. He made no mention of Calleja’s feelings for bugs in his teeth or the massive amounts of salt crammed into every orifice to preserve his tiny body.

The display has warmed the hearts of Kid Rock fans across the country who have missed his tiny sidekick and worried about Rock’s mental state in facing the loss of his best friend.

“Joe C. fucking rules,” said 15-year-old Trevor McKinney of Troy, Michigan. “I used to see that midget at the Whoopie Bowl in Davidson all the time. He and Kid Rock used to go there looking for chicks and to score some weed. I haven’t seen Kid there since Joe died though. He’s probably pretty fucked up about it.”

The stunt has encountered protest.

“I think this is a disgrace and a real set-back for little people the world over,” said actor Gary Coleman from a Bakersfield, California Safeway where the former child star currently works as a salesman. “We are real people. Our size should not be exploited to enhance the career of a second-rate Ronnie VanZant.” Coleman appeared in Rock’s video “Cowboy” getting in fisticuffs with the deceased Joe C.

Rock said he plans to keep his friend firmly planted on the hood of his car “until the little guy breaks up and blows across this Great Lakes state.”

Rock said he had plans to mount other notable little people on the hoods of his growing fleet of Monte Carlos, Chevy Novas and El Caminos if this latest stunt is successful.

“I’ve already stuffed Herve Villechaize and I’ve optioned Wee Man from that show Jack Ass,” said Rock as he paused from videotaping his fiancĂ©, Pamela Anderson Lee Anderson.

No word on whether Rock plans to mount Uncle Cracker but sources say the two are in discussions.

20 thoughts on “Kid Rock Uses Dead Body of Joe C. as Hood Ornament”

  1. Dude, Kid Rock sold out. My boy Jesse was into him when he was doing “Yodeling in the Valley” at Club Soda, this was the first I ever heard of Joe C, Jesse described the scene as “someone let this 8 year old kid on stage and he was smoking joints”… now the legend is stuffed and mounted. Is Kid Rock going all Howard Hughes on us?

  2. Ryan,Seems to me Kid Rock is doing what he’s always been doing. Was it better when he was playing Soda? Maybe, but I think that has more to do with the venue than the performance.

  3. I’m sorry D, I didn’t mean to get into any kind of legitimate conversation about Kid Rock. I’ve never even really seen a rap act, outside of Snoop Doggy Dogg at Lollapalooza ’97, but I was just waiting for Devo. Is rap better in the club? What the hell is a rap show like?

  4. From my limited experience, hip hop live sucks. I’ve seen Public Enemy, Ice-T, and Ice Cube (both Ices were at Lollapaloozas, so that doesn’t really count), and all I can say is: why don’t they do the whole song? Too many medleys, too much “throw your hands in the air.”I also saw da Lench Mob open up for the Beastie Boys, and that was sort of cool. But in general, they did the same sort of abbreviated versions of their songs as the other rappers I’ve seen. What’s the deal with that?

  5. I actually had the pleasure of sitting in on a mixing session when a “professional” rapper was preparing his backing tracks for a live show. It was bizarre. Him and his producer would basically decide the Least amount of a song they would need to put in to his set so that they could splice in Other People’s Songs in order to get the crowd going. He would totally segue from his toon into a huge chorus by Jay-ZzZzZz so that people would recognize something and get excited. I am not exagerating when I say that about half his set was structured around other artists’ tracks and contrived speaking parts. And apparently that’s the norm. The norm is Strange.

  6. That is such a lie! Kidrock is the coolest most respectful man ever! he would never do such a disgraceful thing like that and how would the body last that long it would start to rot! so don’t say thing that aren’t true.

  7. this is bull kidd not mount joe on his hood of his car joe c was buried at michigan memorial in new boston mich i live around the corner from his parents they are planning to sue who wrote this article

  8. Holy Mackeral. All I did was do a search for the Whoopie Bowl and this popped up. Wow. Never knew stuff like this was on line.

  9. You don’t believe it, Jimmy? Really? That’s ok…it’s a joke. We’re going to be doing a few tonight. (Credit: David Cross)

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