Keeping with our dedication to only bringing you the IMPORTANT news of the Rock world, Glorious Noise brings you yet another breaking story:
Kid Rock Uses Dead Body of Joe C. as Hood Ornament
In a desperate bid to retain his popularity, suburban Detroit rocker Robert “Kid Rock” Richey has resurrected his popular diminutive sidekick, Joseph “Joe C.” Calleja. But Rock is not touring with his little buddy. Instead, he’s had the 3 foot 9 inch Calleja, who died in November of 2000, stuffed and mounted to the hood of a 1985 Pontiac Trans Am.
“My man loved the wind in his hair, the roar of a bad-assed engine and foxy ladies on his jock,” Rock explained of his macabre tribute to his friend. He made no mention of Calleja’s feelings for bugs in his teeth or the massive amounts of salt crammed into every orifice to preserve his tiny body.
The display has warmed the hearts of Kid Rock fans across the country who have missed his tiny sidekick and worried about Rock’s mental state in facing the loss of his best friend.
“Joe C. fucking rules,” said 15-year-old Trevor McKinney of Troy, Michigan. “I used to see that midget at the Whoopie Bowl in Davidson all the time. He and Kid Rock used to go there looking for chicks and to score some weed. I haven’t seen Kid there since Joe died though. He’s probably pretty fucked up about it.”
The stunt has encountered protest.
“I think this is a disgrace and a real set-back for little people the world over,” said actor Gary Coleman from a Bakersfield, California Safeway where the former child star currently works as a salesman. “We are real people. Our size should not be exploited to enhance the career of a second-rate Ronnie VanZant.” Coleman appeared in Rock’s video “Cowboy” getting in fisticuffs with the deceased Joe C.
Rock said he plans to keep his friend firmly planted on the hood of his car “until the little guy breaks up and blows across this Great Lakes state.”
Rock said he had plans to mount other notable little people on the hoods of his growing fleet of Monte Carlos, Chevy Novas and El Caminos if this latest stunt is successful.
“I’ve already stuffed Herve Villechaize and I’ve optioned Wee Man from that show Jack Ass,” said Rock as he paused from videotaping his fiancé, Pamela Anderson Lee Anderson.
No word on whether Rock plans to mount Uncle Cracker but sources say the two are in discussions.