Why Americans don’t care about the Darkness

56 Comments

1. Johnny Loftus
   2911 days ago

   DarknASSSS! Charlie Murphy! I propose a truce. White women! Come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy! I’m Rick James, bitch!

   JTL
2. gauzy
   2911 days ago

   Charlie Murphy..I’m bleeding from inside my chest…
3. Johnny Loftus
   2911 days ago

   “UNITEEEE!”

   jtl
4. Fox
   2911 days ago

   Chuck Klosterman continues to be my personal GOD.
5. Anonymous
   2911 days ago

   so, in america it’s wrong to be funny and rock. well then is it wrong to be funny and write about rock? we should all just let go and start to embrace the importance of not being earnest. was david lee roth digging deep into the relevant psyche of the listening public when he sang songs bout fanatic rock stardom (top jimmy), wanting to bang the teacher after school (hot for teacher), the sexually charged image of driving a car (panama), spoofing western crooners (happy trails)or having sex with the ice cream man (ice cream man). not really. so, did this make van halen any less relevant. not at all. would van halen have been better if they would have had a less spastic entertainer as a front man and focused on producing more meaningful, socially relevant music? well, i think we all know how that turned out.

   the darkness has music that fun, filled with big rock hooks, and knows enough of their past to revel in it. i guess i’m one of the few americans that like it for what it is… just good, fun rock.
6. Anonymous
   2911 days ago

   Turbonegro does everything the Darkness does but only 10 times better. They ROCK and they’re hilarious. It has nothing to do with Americans not taking to this type of humor/irony. They just don’t do it that well.
7. Johnny Loftus
   2910 days ago

   Anonymous, you’re a bitch. I’m really tired of faceless douche bags bombing comment strings with high horse rhetoric. My vitriol has nothing to do with your ridiculous assertion; if you took your balls out of the sugar cone you store them in for a minute, we could speak intelligently about how Turbonegro is a great band, and the Darkness are a great band, and how each mine similar veins of irony and rocktastic power, but are also quite different from one another. (In their makeup choices, for example.) But Anonymous, because you’re a blank slate of ball-less goo, I blame you. Yes, I blame you specifically for the actions of the world’s basement Internet jockeys. And I can do this, because I work here. Get your hands off of my message board, motherfucker.

   JTL
8. dharmabum110
   2910 days ago

   haha, johnny, anonymous, this is entertaining.
9. SEFORD
   2909 days ago

   IM RICK JAMES, BITCH!!!!!!!!!
10. SEFORD
    2909 days ago

    WHAT DID THE FIVE FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE?

    ………………S L A P !!!!!!!!!
11. Anonymous
    2908 days ago

    Annonymous is a habitual line stepper.
12. Anonymous
    2908 days ago

    fyi..I’m a different anonymous poster.

    Why are people who post anonymously on message boards always treated as “ball-less”? Are we somehow threatening? Not everyone cares to develop some online personality. I rarely post on MBs, but when I do it is anonynously, as I am not concerned with logging in/remembering passwords, etc.

    Not to stir shit up on here, but there seems to be little luv for the anonymous Internet poster.

    Curious to hear your thoughts.
13. Anonymous
    2908 days ago

    cocaine is a hell of a drug
14. Johnny Loftus
    2907 days ago

    Dear Anonymous,

    The milk’s gone BAD, bitch! Darknaaasss!

    JTL
15. kevin
    2906 days ago

    Charlie Murphy….I offer u a truce….the stickyiest of the iccky
16. Tank
    2905 days ago

    I’m Rick James, Bitch!
17. grandma's rotting corpse
    2905 days ago

    so i take it know one here watches the Dave Chappelle show.

    I’M RICH, BITCH!!!!!!!
18. Kakashi|<@
    2905 days ago

    COLDBLOODED!!!!!1111
19. Johnny Loftus
    2905 days ago

    F I F

    JTL
20. Kendrick
    2905 days ago

    Red balls it give’s me wings!
21. coreyj
    2905 days ago

    oh shit… there’s a crackhead lifting up the bus!
22. Johnny Loftus
    2904 days ago

    Then he brought us inside and made us pancakes.
23. Wittybitty
    2904 days ago

    Fuck…your…couch…nigga! They should have never gave ya’ll niggas money! Darknesses!!
24. Kendrick
    2904 days ago

    I’m one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time!……….I’m one of the best singing and best looking motherfuckers you’ve ever seen!……Hold my drink bitch!
25. Nick
    2904 days ago

    The response to the Darkness is everything that is right about rock and everything that is wrong with America.
26. Jo Mamma
    2904 days ago

    Woman: Thank you very much sir.

    Lil Jon: WHAT!?

    Woman: Thank you very very much sir.

    Lil Jon: WHAT!?

    Woman: I said, thank you very much.

    Lil Jon: WHAT!?

    Woman: Thank you very very very much.

    Lil Jon: OKAY!
27. Johnny Loftus
    2904 days ago

    Spam blocker, bitch!
28. Anonymous
    2902 days ago

    Thank you Obi Wan…I’m done with the porn! Thank you!!!
29. Kendrick
    2902 days ago

    Spread ya cheeks and lift yo sack!!! That’s right!! I’m high!!!
30. the brotherhood
    2898 days ago

    White Power!!!
31. Damo
    2897 days ago

    You Stoopid Americans, need your rock n roll spoon fed and wrapped in plastic, think you’ve got a grasp of something, but you dont know shit…Who gives a fuck if some dumb fuck yank doesnt like the Darkness, who gives a shit what you think, your not important, I dont think you realise how much the world laughs at you, The Darkness Rocks, and your dirty stinking country and its fucked up inhabitants should burn in the mess you’ve created…Except Weezer of course
32. stoopid american
    2895 days ago

    hee hee.
33. dasmb
    2893 days ago

    I think it’s true Americans “don’t care” about the Darkness, though not how you intended. I know quite a few people who like them, both musically and as an ironic entity. I know a lot of people who are swearing that they are the greatest thing to happen to music ever. But this audience is attracted to them solely because of their irony, and they’re sarcastic and fickle. These fans were on Jet, and before that Electric Six and so on.

    And these fans don’t CARE about anything more than what’s new. They made the Bloodhound Gang popular. They started like Fountains of Wayne when they ripped off Rick Springfield. In short, they’re not fans of music so much as fans of musical culture. And when the culture moves on, so do their tastes. That’s where the Darkness misses…they don’t appeal to the “real fans” who will follow a band to the center of the earth if asked. And it’s those fans that rock needs — people who will buy the shitty sophomore album and light candles when the bassist goes to the methadone clinic.

    I don’t like the Darkness, because while they represent a refreshing refrain from the melodic mumbling of “numetal,” they’re doing nothing essentially new with their music. I mean, I was riffing on Jack Black doing Dio three years ago and I have MAD respect for showmanship in rock. But that doesn’t mean repeating the past to the point of parody…that’s my problem! Rock’s in constant danger of stagnation and this constant ratcheting backward isn’t helping.

    So I don’t like the Darkness, but not because they suck. I don’t like them for the same reason I don’t like Jet: they are nothing more than the sum of their influences, so what’s there to care about? I already care about Kiss and Dio (shit I bought “Killing the Dragon”). What do I get out of caring about The Darkness?
34. yankee doodle dandie
    2893 days ago

    I lived in England for two years, its a shithole, a dirty shithole, with bad food and bad television. On the bright side, the girls are skanks. That tea and crumpets nerd probably tapes Friends episodes (on Beta) like every other beer guzzling snaggletoothed brit.

    Anyway, That Klosterman article is right on. Hes just saying that kind of dicotomy isn’t really valued here in america. You can’t really “rock” and be funny at the same time, you are really only one or the other. And its true. Its not a bad thing, its just an observation.

    Also, Dave Chappelle does a great Johnny Loftus impression.
35. Stace
    2892 days ago

    You as cold as ice…

    I been kicked outta better homes than this…

    What am I gonna do about my leggggs Eddie Murphy?
36. speed
    2891 days ago

    i walk in, and i never forget the first thing i’d seen is O. J. Simpson, i remeber thinkin ta myself “Wow, that O. J. Simpson, he got a big fukin’ head man.”
37. turdbowlnecro
    2886 days ago

    We actually like the Darkness alot in America…some like it as a joke band like Spinal Tap…others see it as Boston, or Sweet all over again. If we didn’t like it…it wouldn’t be all over vh1 & mtv both 20 times a day. They should make more videos soon. As should Turbonegro & Queens of the Stone Age…who you can also take several ways…seriously being only one of which.

    …isn’t it about time someone covered superfreak metal style?You,coldblooded,darkness,evil,black magic,voo-doo,m*ther-f*ckers…you can buy a new couch…they should have never gave you money…what about my legs bitch!
38. tom brown
    2883 days ago

    this is a band with a great, great single (“i belive…”), a great video recieving heavy rotation on music channels and radio and great tongue in cheak showmanship.

    sure they are a good live act, but since they’ve reached this plateau of success the only thing

    that’s going to fuel that success

    and establish their legacy is a string of great singles as catchy

    as “i belive…” whose cross over pop appeal will keep people’s eyes and ears on them.

    i personaly dont care for many of the other songs on the album, to me they are tired cock rock…this

    tells me they may have simply stumbled upon a few hot singles and might not be so lucky in the future. time will tell. i certianly hope they come through with a brilliant 2nd lp. turbo negro (rip?) or new bomb turks should tour with them.
39. ur scum and you know u r
    2877 days ago

    what do yankies know about rock anyway?
40. Dreamin'
    2877 days ago

    Umm, I think they actually invented it, or something.
41. Kendrick
    2875 days ago

    I plead the FiF
42. Rich James
    2875 days ago

    Does anyone here have a wav file or any other sound file for Dave’s “I’m Rich Biatch” line? Or any of Dave’s shit for that matter he one funny motherfucker! By the way “I believe in a thing called love”! Biatch!

    Thank you for your help in this matter.

    “Grandma don’t”!!!!
43. No, I'm Rick James, Bitch
    2868 days ago

    Fucking kid
44. Rick James
    2868 days ago

    I’ve about had it with these fucking posts I AM RICK JAMES, BITCH
45. John
    2868 days ago

    Has anyone heard from Rick James lately?
46. John
    2868 days ago

    I know I just posted but I really need to get a hold of Rick James, I think he’s having my baby!

    Thanks for all your help,

    John
47. Rick James
    2868 days ago

    shut up man .. IM RICK JAMES BITCHES AND HOS AND PIMPS *SLAP*
48. Richard James
    2868 days ago

    IVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH THE BULLSHIT. I AM RICK JAMES, BITCH!
49. Rickie James
    2868 days ago

    I AM RICK JAMES, BITCH
50. James Rick
    2868 days ago

    By darkness do you mean the high yeller negro?
51. thechappelleshow
    2866 days ago

    http://www.thechappelleshow.com
52. Charlie Murphy
    2852 days ago

    I’m just gettin started bitches!
53. Johnny Loftus
    2851 days ago

    Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?

    btw, you are not Rick James.

    JTL
54. rick james
    2845 days ago

    check these rick james -

    t- shirts out

    http://www.cafeshops.com/im_rick_james
55. Johnny664
    2761 days ago

    I’m Rick James, bitch!!! Everybody….King Kong ain’t got shit on me!!!
56. Emily
    2738 days ago

    he died.