5. Gwen Stefani exhausts me. Eighth graders don’t spend that much time trying to be cool.
9. And I’ve kind of had it with the Britney haters, too. Face it: she’s lasted a lot longer than you ever thought she would. And don’t lie — you know an alarming amount of her music by heart.
10. And why pick on Britney Spears? Pick on someone else. Like Sonic Youth. Oooooooooh — it’s like I desecrated a church, isn’t it? Bag on easy target Britney all you want, but someone says boo about Sonic Youth, well, it’s time to take off the professionally faded Urban Outfitters T-shirt and put up your scrawny dukes, right?
11. I’m just kidding about Sonic Youth anyway. I couldn’t name a single one of their songs. I just know I’m supposed to like them. Like I’m supposed to like paté, and Austin, Texas.
19. What are you thinking for names? I think Elizabeth if it’s a girl, Jimmy Kimmel if it’s a boy. Jimmy Kimmel Federline is just a great, great name. In fact, if you are starting a punk rock band, you can feel free to steal it.