Live Blogging the AMAs
Election night 2006 was the launch of a new GLONO feature over on POLJUNK: live blogging. We all got twisted and commented in real time on the election returns. It was a hoot and since Loftus is busy deconstructing Detroit garage rock, we’re bringing the live blog to bear on the American Music Awards this Tuesday, November 21. Log on to GLONO at 8/7(cst) and join in on the fun. Think of a drinking game and win a nasty hangover for Wednesday.
Be there!
Previously: I Want A New Drug: The 2003 AMAs and Call Me Diddy: The 2002 AMAs.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
OK, girls and boys here we go. How this works is simply post your comments here in real time. Get your drinks ready and let’s get it on!
sarah
1906 days ago
Hi Phil!
Am I disqualified right now if I admit I really like the new Beyonce song?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Launching with the delicious Boyonce who is fresh from taping “Dream Girls” and is till feeling her inner Diana Ross. God damn she’s foxy.
This song stinks though. A mid-tempo “Hear Me Roar” knock off. Not my bag at all.
Wait, who’s that skinny brotha molesting her?
And now some dude ina hoodie??? Nice of you to dress up.
Nice Lisa and Wendy hat tip with the hot keyboardists.
What a lame opener. We all know Boynce can do so much more.
The dullest of the award shows stay true to form so far.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Sarah Horne checks in! Nice.
Is that the song? I’m sure the recorded version is better but that performance was stiff as Diddy’s wood.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
And now an American Idol, Ms. Underwood graces us with ANOTHER slow, dull number. WTF??? Who is producing this steamer?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Ah, I should have known: medley.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Hold on! That Idol has stolen Tina Turner’s legs and injected them with chicken hormones. Those can’t be real, can they? And who wears shorts in November without winter tights???
sarah
1906 days ago
Girl [Beyonce, not Underwood] is lookin a lot healthier these days though. And less crazy.
If Jesus were actually taking the wheel, he would steer it into a creek, were there any justice.
HO SNAP
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
That crowd looks stiff as hell. Bored stupid. Don’t be surprised if Dem Franchise Boyz don’t get cranked on Yayo and tear this joint up.
And did I just hear that Johnny Cash is appearing? Now THAT should be exciting!
sarah
1906 days ago
Worst. Host. Ever.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Kimmel bagging on Snoop and his affinity for blunts.
Nice tag on Kanye: Winners will be allowed only 45 seconds for a speech. Kanye West will be allowed 45 minutes for rebuttal.
Rips on K-Fed: Comparisons to Vanilla Ice, but Ice had a hit song…He’s the world’s only No Hit Wonder.
K-Fed boxed up and thrown in a river.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
And then Britney follows a 60 second bash on her freshly ex-husband??? CRUNCH!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
First winner: Mary J. Blige bags best R&B performer, Female.
Who let her get that nasty tatoo on her upper arm? Looks like Ike Turner is running her career!
Thanks to the Lord, of course. Only 17 minutes into the broadcast. Not bad, but can’t compete with the record holding Vibe Awards.
sarah
1906 days ago
And then Britney gets a standing ovation. Bless her little heart. DRINKING GAME #1: Every time someone thanks the lord.
Derek, to answer your question (I am new to this liveblogging) the recorded version of the Beyonce song is way decent.
Oh god, I have to watch the Pussycat Dolls?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
You’re doing fine, man. Keep posting your comments.
I’ll drink to the Lord!
sarah
1906 days ago
haha I have to learn to type faster.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Jesus, Nickleback is still a band? ANd they’re up for best Pop/Rock album? Shit!
And what is this High School Musical? I HAVE to see that!
Fuck all! Nickelback WON!
Nice to see Clay Aiken. Anyone following his fued with Kelly Rippa? Seems he got steamed when she pushed his hand from her mouth and said, “I don’t know where your hand’s been.” Some are saying that was a gay bash because gay put their hands in dirty places, get it??? Unlike the straights who are clean as can be.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Oh yeah! Pussy Cat Dolls!!!!
Sounding all Arabic. Take THAT freedom haters!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I haven’t seen this many crotch shots since Madonna turned 60.
sarah
1906 days ago
I had no idea such a feud existed. Why the hell did Tony Hawk introduce the Pussycat Dolls? Why are they on my television? My brain hurts.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
And now the male Norah Jones, Josh Brogan. Excuse me while I hit the fridge.
sarah
1906 days ago
Josh Groban’s album is called “Awake?” MORE LIKE COMATOSE.
Tip your waiters, drive safely.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
The irony! This song put me to sleep three times already.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Coming up: the American debut of Gwen Stefani’s new song.
I like Gwen on paper. She’s cute as hell, she seems really funny and cool in interviews, but fuck all if her voice doesn’t make me want to sic starved, gonorrhea crazed dogs on her. I tried to like her…I tried.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Anyone else find that Delsym commercial to be unintentionally hilarious? I mean, that dude talking to his right hand…we all know what that hand does in the off hours and here it talking to him face to face. What would Clay Aiken’s right hand hand say?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Justin Guarini was in High School Musical? I REALLY have to see this shit!
sarah
1906 days ago
oh god. The Black Eyed Peas take best rap group.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Poor Fergie. All I can think of now is that she pissed her pants and it was all over the Internet. Dirty bird.
Those bitches plugged their website? What a bunch of twats.
worpswede
1906 days ago
Holy shit. Chan Marshall looks good…oh wait….
sarah
1906 days ago
What in the same hell is Nelly Furtado wearing?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Nelly Furtado found somebody’s Prince collection on eBay and was the highest bidder on his beats. I guess we know what the New Power Generation is up to now.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
The Swede checks in!
sarah
1906 days ago
This song might possibly be more boring than the Groban song. Sorry, blonde disney channel girl who was all “you KNOW it’ll be a huge hit.” The backing vocals are oddly hypnotic though.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Nelly’s backlit sheer flash is nice.
sarah
1906 days ago
AND SERIOUSLY I CAN SEE THROUGH HER SKIRT WHERE WAS HER MOTHER WHEN SHE GOT DRESSED.
worpswede
1906 days ago
Here sir!
Who are these people?!
God. I’m. Old.
sarah
1906 days ago
Wait. Eminem just won? How is that even possible? Kanye gon break something, y’all.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Gee, I wonder why Eminem couldn’t be there?
Josh B.
1906 days ago
Hmmmmmm. I always wondered what heaven would look like if it were populated by marginally tallented singers. Seriously, this performance is supposed to get ratings? Dull, dull, dull.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
JB in from da South Side!
Josh B
1906 days ago
Must have powder blue pin striped suit! That announcer stole Fred Willard’s wardrobe.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I stepped away. Who is that metrosexual hillbilly? Out ther with his daughter?
sarah
1906 days ago
I am not sure that hair on Billy Ray Cyrus IS better than a mullet, though. His daughter is super cute.
sarah
1906 days ago
It’s Billy Ray Cyrus, Phil! His daughter has a show on Disney that he acts (“acts”) in now.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Oh shit, that chick from Grey’s Anatomy is smokin’
Josh B
1906 days ago
When did the collective “country” music community decide to let their hair go ghey?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Are you shitting me???? That is Billy Ray!?!?!? Achey Breaky asshat!
sarah
1906 days ago
Oh my god the cast of Grey’s Anatomy are whores. And I am so sick of this song and Coldplay Lite Part Three that I could cry. Or gouge out my ears. Excuse me for a second.
Josh B
1906 days ago
I’m still sick of mopey & British. Oh Darkness, why have thou forsaken us!
worpswede
1906 days ago
I have yet to jump on the Snow Patrol bandwagon. And, judging by this song, I will stab whoever is driving the bandwagon.
Josh B
1906 days ago
If I lay here…
I’ll end up sleeping…
Cause this song is so boring..
Blah blah blah blah blah.
Go ahead, give it a sing.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Who doesn’t love two chord songs with no dynamics and an unchanging backbeat?
…oh wait, ignore the man who wrote “Silent Way”
worpswede
1906 days ago
While we’re in commercial breaks, I think it would be good to disclose guilty pleasures of current hit radio. I’ll admit to knowing all the words to that motherfucking song by Hinder (Honey why you calling me, so late…that one) and being thoroughly embarassed by it.
worpswede
1906 days ago
Local spot break: tickets on sale for Nickleback, 3 Days Grace, and some other band. Living in Iowa is awesome.
Jealous Chicago?!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
My 17 year old niece was just in town and mentioned that band. I was trying to really wow her by explaining how I run a world renowned music website and blew it all by having no idea who the fuck she was talking about.
Charli
1906 days ago
Screw you all. I like that damn Snow Patrol song.
I kicked my husband off for a minute to comment. I had to take my chance to defend the song.
I’ll now let him back on to join the fun.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
When did yodeling become hip? And does Gwen have some sort of marching band fetish?
Charli
1906 days ago
Gwen scares me.
She really needs to lay off the lipstick.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Dudes in snowsuits stepdancing like it’s the Frozen River Dance. Gwen is fucking weird.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Two things that don’t mix well: Gwen Stefani and the Sound of Music.
worpswede
1906 days ago
“Wind It Up”
change that to
“Shut It Down”
This is awful…
Josh B
1906 days ago
When did the VonTrapp Family Singers go slutty?
Josh B
1906 days ago
And to backtrack a bit, Seacrest got fuckin owned by Jimmy Kimmel.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Jay-Z kicks it and I put this joint in STEREO!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Nicolson, good to see you.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I hate American TV. Deleting Jay-Z’s sage words. How DARE you!
Show me whatchoo got, little lady!
Josh B
1906 days ago
Yeah, Jay-Z is much better at the hip-hop than the skinny white girls.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Oh, who was that dude who won the Oscar for best documentary a few years ago and jumped out of his wheelchair? He just bum rushed Jay-Z and did his freaky dance all over the place.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I love that Will Farell is in the Chili Peppers.
worpswede
1906 days ago
Ten bucks says the John Frusciante wasn’t sleeping…he was nodding off.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Thanks, Derek – back at ya.
Is the Jay-Z supposed to be a tie-in to Dreamgirls? (That’s all those vegas-y showgirls remind me of.)
Gavin, Gavin…such a mumbler!
Wait, there’s an “every kiss begins with Kay” interview lounge?! That hits new lows in product placement.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Ah, a retrospective from the Kay Jewelers Diamond Lounge, including a clip of the Dixie Chicks before they joined the Taliban. The salad days…
Josh B
1906 days ago
Stone & Slater? Whar year is this?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Let’s Rob Mick Jagger, indeed.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Always good to see Flava.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Oh, Flav…I weep for Flav.
I love Shatner.
Oh, it’s a Kanye category! Will he freak out?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Jimmy Kimmel throwing his girlfriend Sarah Silverman a bone.
God bless Shatner though. He’s awesome.
Nick Lachey still has a career? Who knew?
Josh B
1906 days ago
Who the hell is Sean Paul? And why does he have two first names?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Since when did Dancehall count as “pop/rock”
Thanks to God–DRINK!
Sean Paul sounds EXACTLY like Ali G.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Whoa…Paris can read.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
When did Jaime Fox become a Scientologist? That’s the only thing that explains his freaky rise in American pop culture.
Josh B
1906 days ago
In honor of Jamie Foxx’s win i’m totally renting “Booty Call” this weekend.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I guarantee that if QWW and Riviera are finalists for an award and we win, we will NOT share it with them.
Josh B
1906 days ago
what’s up nipples
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Sharon Stone’s nipples just blinded half of America.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Tell me this Dixie Chicks number is not a great protest song. We have so few that say anything AND are musically interesting. It’s not “Ohio” but I have to admit I dig it in the same way a part of me likes Tori Amos.
Josh B
1906 days ago
The Dixie Chicks are asking America to start a revolution. A quiet, polite, not too offensive so our PR team doesn’t have to work over the holiday, revolution.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Earnest 9/11 songs bore me. And yikes…the backdrop with the buildings?
Seems pretty timid. They’ve got an audience full of liberal Hollywood/music types, where’s the “screw Bush” type of song? It’d bring the house down.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
HA!
Chivas break. Back in five!
nicolson
1906 days ago
I want to see Jack Black bite off Barry Manillow’s head–like Ozzy used to do with bats.
That would be frickin’ awesome!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Who let Dave Grohl out of his cage? Is he related to Jack Black? He stole his hair cut.
I love Jack Black and KG, but pushing your movies and websites on these shows is lame. I don’t know why it bothers me; that’s what these shows are all about. It just seems so small.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
But…isn’t the guitar riff in the Tenacious D song actually the same one from “Rhianna” by Fleetwood Mac?
Sounds suspiciously similar to me…
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I love that they’ve made a career out of the same Spinal Tap geekiness that crippled all my heavy metal friends from high school.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Why ain’t Mary mad no more? I can’t follow that question. Is she mad or ain’t she?
Nicolson
1906 days ago
“Mary ain’t mad no more”?
She is by the looks of that beret. And those boots.
Josh B
1906 days ago
Those boots are slowly digesting her feet and calves.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Mary J. Blige is singlehandedly trying to kill low-rise jeans and I will not allow that. She’s hotching like a 75 year old man!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Stop pointing that thing at me!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I want to tempt Aly and AJ
Nicolson
1906 days ago
God rockers!!! Can the heathens make them cry?
Josh B
1906 days ago
Jesus has no place at the AMAs. Weren’t the D just praising Satan?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I like Kirk Franklin’s casual Hollister style. He’s a lil fella! I think I could put him in my pocket right next to my works.
Give the dude props for that speech calling out fake Christians though.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
The Pepto commercials freak me out. They always focus on the girl when they get to “diarrhea” in the songs. They’re forcing America’s men to accept that our women poop. It’s not right.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
The Diamond Lounge is really happening. A bunch of twats who couldn’t get into a real AMA party.
1985 appears to have been much scarier than I remember.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
OH! Vanessa Williams gets flagged for a flagrant foul for actually saying that stupid “all night long” line.
Nicole needs some poundage. Seriously. Girlie looks ill.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Lionel Richie has never been outrageous. NEVER!
I hear he’s huge in the Middle East though. The Lebanese love him, I think.
nicolson
1906 days ago
Kind of like the Germans and their Hasselhoff, eh?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I like the shots of all the honkeys who can’t clap in time with Lionel Fucking Richie.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Dig that fat whitey up front going bananas to “All Night Long”
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Conga line!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Is that Joey Lawrence busting a move???
Nicolson
1906 days ago
I thought it was Moby for a second…
sarah
1906 days ago
Why are Fall Out Boy all dressed the same? This song has no discernible melody. I too am very old.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
fall out boy? no comment
lw
1906 days ago
phil. has jessica simpson and her two best friends made an appearance tonight?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
drink!
sarah
1906 days ago
Carrie Underwood thanked God AND blessed Him. DRINK TWICE.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
“This is for my grandmother…
…who used to beat me when I was a child.”
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Life is a Highway was a shit song BEFORE some pap country pop gorup got a hold of it. Yeow!
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Sorry, I dozed off. Is that Kanye in that white suit?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Maintaining the American Idol streak, I predict Kelly Clarkson wins both categories in which she’s nominated. Who wants to put some money down?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Oh, LW, no sign of Jessica or her boobies.
sarah
1906 days ago
That’s ASHLEE Simpson? That is so so scary.
worpswede
1906 days ago
Who the fuck are these preteens?!
My LABELMATES?!
That shit’s got a record deal?
sarah
1906 days ago
(DRINK)
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Hmmm, either Rascal Flats knew they were winning the Text In Award (oooh, DRINK!), or they were getting ready to pounce on Ashley Simpson and force her to eat the pounds of flesh she so richly deserves.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I may hate no other song outside of “American Pie” more than the song Barry Manilow is singing right now. It makes me violent.
tbounce
1906 days ago
goddamned. who lets manilow even open his mouth anymore? and on the AMAs? i thought he was just kitch these days. am i the only one? because otherwise i’m out of touch with american music in ways i cannot describe.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
And is anyone else tempted to call the cops and press stalking charges on that weird old queen when he looks into the camera and says “Can’t take my eyes off of you…”?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
What the world needs now is an age limit on these TV shows.
tbounce
1906 days ago
what the world needs is for manilow to please exit music forever.
worpswede
1906 days ago
Derek-I was thinking the same thing…about the violence. Seriously. I’m drinking a banana/strawberry smoothie and eating a slice of pumpkin bread. Yet I’m feeling violence surge inside of me life I just drank a pint of kesler’s whiskey
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Nothing more sad than an aborted standing o. Ouch.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Is Anthony Kiedis showing us his Kabalah bracelet?
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Even AC Slater had the sense not to stand.
Good on him.
tbounce
1906 days ago
is clay pregnant? cause he’s bigger than tori.
worpswede
1906 days ago
john mayer.
add your thoughts.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Kimmel – ouch! with the dig at Clay.
Okay, here we go-some Curious George music.
Ever see that Chappelle show that John Mayer was on? It was actually kind of amusing.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I’d heard John Mayer had gone legit bluesman and was playing some gritty, interesting music. I guess not.
But is that George Harrison’s old Stratocaster he’s playing?
worpswede
1906 days ago
A flute player?
Subtract two points.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Weird Al is going to get capped tonight.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
Soundscan…aka “Soundscam”
Is that how they choose these things? No wonder it’s a giant suck-fest.
sarah
1906 days ago
Weird Al just tried to burn his way directly into my brain with the power of his stare. That was harrowing.
Nicolson
1906 days ago
I SWEAR I’m not a prude…but was the ass-shot really necessary???
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I welcome Snoop’s return. Look at him! A former Crip turned America’s sweetheart. He is the American Dream.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
“I SWEAR I’m not a prude…but was the ass-shot really necessary???”
Yes, yes it was.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I’d change my name to Franky J but I know a certain Wut who would sue the shit outta me.
tbounce
1906 days ago
blue carpet treatment? must we pay homage to his gang roots? i am apparently very outdated in this world now.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
I’m so glad Mary J. changed her clothes…again.
DRINK!
tbounce
1906 days ago
more praise. i’m about to get tagged for real here, folks!
worpswede
1906 days ago
MJB fucking rules, but she needs to be smoking weed again.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
tbounce, you crazy.
sarah
1906 days ago
Drink.
Who greenlighted a Tyrese album?
And I missed a lot: Did Kanye get shut out?
tbounce
1906 days ago
i think so. and if kanye gets shut out, we’d all better take cover or we’re gonna hear more rage than michael richards in compton.
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Well, that may have been the most anti-climatic end to an awards show on television awards show history. But I guess the whole thing was a failed launch, so what did I expect?
America’s eternal teenager may want to hand the reigns over to someone born within the last three or four decades. Or maybe just give it to William Shatner who appears to be the most entertaining man on television today. Think of how freaky he could make this shit.
So the big winner of the night was clearly Mary J, and that’s fine. I get that she’s a legend in her field and all but I have yet to see a performance worthy of the praise.
The ongoing disturbing blend of country and pop is hitting absurd lows with Billy Ray Cyrus sporting the same hairdo as my mom and some chubby gas station workers remaking one of the worst songs of the last two decades of shit adult contempory music–and winning awards for it!
Hip continues to falter as uninspired MCs are backed by rahashing DJs. When Snoop Dogg, a man who first blew open hip hop over 15 years ago, delivers the freshest track of the night, you know the genre is fucked.
The American Music Awards are supposed to represent the best in American music and if that’s true, this country’s in worse shape than anything Barack Obama can fix.
Jake
1906 days ago
Hey, I’m back from Morrissey. Is it over? Did I miss the whole thing?
Derek Phillips
1906 days ago
Burn down the disco, Jake Brown. It is over.
Jake
1906 days ago
Nicolson asked how these things were chosen:
“Winners of the American Music Awards are selected by the public. A national sampling of approximately 20,000, taking into account geographic location, age, sex and ethnic origin, will be sent ballots by the National Family Opinion, Inc. firm under the supervision of Broadcast Research and Consulting, Inc. Names of the nominees on the ballot were compiled from data supplied by the music industry trade publication, Radio & Records and Nielsen Soundscan, which tracks retail music sales.”
So the nominations are based on sales. Then 20,000 rednecks and housewives and half-bright teenagers select the winners.