All posts by Johnny Loftus

Come on, Steely Dan?

The following comments re: The Grammys are from ML (extracted from an email to Johnny): I mean come on, Steely Dan? Are you kidding me? Just because people were overlooked when their music was contemporary (meaning in the category of unlistenable 70’s music) doesn’t mean we need to go giving them awards 25 years later. … Continue reading Come on, Steely Dan?

AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A G THING, BABY

Tragically, the Grammy viewing audience found itself asking all night, “Where’s Soy Bomb?” The utter lack of anything more controversial than another plunging neckline made even host Jon Stewart’s bits about a gay Eminem seem watered-down. The cavernous Staples Center was nicely decorated in shades of purple. But so is a baby’s nursery. After all, … Continue reading AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A G THING, BABY

LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE HIGH-PITCHED

On Monday night in Chicago, Coldplay’s Chris Martin proved that you don’t have to sound like a bear to tear the roof off the sucker. It’s appropriate that Coldplay’s energy runs through the conduit of Chris Martin. His pale, frail appearance matches the fragility of his band’s lovely pop music. And it IS lovely: plenty … Continue reading LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE HIGH-PITCHED

NEVER SAY GOODBYE

New Jersey rockers/fossils Bon Jovi have announced plans for a summer tour in support of their newest album, Crush (Island). Don’t doubt it: their jaunt across America will be a success. After 35 weeks on the Billboard Hot 200, Crush is holding at 70, and its second single “Thank You for Loving Me” is storming … Continue reading NEVER SAY GOODBYE

Pedal Steel Transmission at Schubas

In 1996, I stood in the front row of Detroit’s St Andrews Hall and watched Polvo unleash hell. The North Carolina quartet was at the height of its considerable indie-rock power, and proved it with a blistering reset of Gary Numan’s “Cars.” It was the perfect cover song, mixing the black lipstick’d histrionics of Numan’s … Continue reading Pedal Steel Transmission at Schubas

Slurping blow off of prostitutes’ tits

When Liam and Noel aren’t busy slurping really good blow off of prostitutes’ tits, they’re leading on the British press about whether or not Oasis has broken up. Last year’s ‘Standing on the Shoulder of Giants’ was a nice, fuzzed out attempt at rocking out. With the addition of Gem Archer on 2nd guitar, Noel … Continue reading Slurping blow off of prostitutes’ tits

A Fan of Goatee’d Svengalies Transliterating Swedish Pop into English

Well, it looks like I’m in the Jake camp on this one. Given my 02/06/01 comments about Britney and her tube sock wristbands, I can only be called what I am: A fan. Fan of what? Goatee’d svengalies transliterating Swedish pop into english so Britney, Mandy, Christina, or Jessica can rake in some t-shirt and … Continue reading A Fan of Goatee’d Svengalies Transliterating Swedish Pop into English

Jennifer Lopez Tops the Charts

Internationally-renowned “singer” and “actress” Jennifer Lopez recently topped the charts in both music and film, her chosen artforms. After knocking a little known English quartet called The Beatles from their perch at number one, Lopez was quoted as saying “I just want to make everyone dance and have a good time without all that other … Continue reading Jennifer Lopez Tops the Charts

Britney. What are we going to do with you?

Sure, you wore sweat sock wrist bands at the Super Bowl, accessorizing wonderfully with football pants and —shocker!— a tight halter top. Your blonde mane undulated as you tough-talked your way across the stage, doing the tube sock boogie with Aerosmith and those jackasses in N*Sync. What can we say? You played your role and … Continue reading Britney. What are we going to do with you?

National Treasure

I was watching the E! True Hollywood Story about John Holmes. Now, THERE’S a national treasure. Uglier than the Nuge, skinnier than Johnny Winter, and—well, let’s just say that he gives a whole new meaning to the term “third leg”…