All posts by Ryan Bennett

Whaaaaaat? Ten Songs Playing on a Loop in Hell

On a Loop in HellA co-worker of mine recently wrote me and suggested I compile a list of songs that I never want to hear again. Which, Jennifer, was a nice idea until I started actually doing the research. Just thinking of what songs make me want to shoot myself in the face automatically gets them stuck in my head. I’m like, ‘let’s see, well of course that one,’ and I start gritting my teeth, my blood starts boiling, and I totally lose my boner.

These songs may cause some debate, because for some fucking reason they were at the top of the charts at one time. So some of you spawns of Satan might actually enjoy something on this list. A word of warning though, as in my previous article, if you click on the title of the song it will start playing. This is simply to provide you with a test to see if you can actually make it through listening to each one.

Unfortunately for me, after gathering these pieces of total shit, I had to remove a fingernail with plyers just to make it through each song. So grab a bottle of moonshine, hide your shotgun, close any open windows, and good luck on this voyage through horrible, shitty-ass waters towards eternal damnation.

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Whaaaaaat? Ten Party-Stopping TV Theme Songs

B.A. BaracusOccasionally, when my ipod is on shuffle at a party, everyone will stop dancing, squint a little bit, and try to identify the cheesy yet inspirational song that starts coming through the speakers. The one that rings all sorts of memory bells. Newsflash dickweed, it’s a classic TV show theme song. And guess what, hotshot? I like it.

Don’t call it a guilty pleasure, not in the same vein as “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. It’s just a quick pick me up. Like rock stars with a line of coke. Maybe it’s that I’ve heard them all a billion times as I was growing up, and they are ingrained in my subconscious. Maybe I enjoy my memories of the escapades these fictional characters found themselves in. Maybe I’m a weird 85 year old woman with horrible taste in music.

Regardless, here is a list of the ten best that you should have in your library to cue up when you are riding a ten speed and the wind is whipping through your beautiful hair. Please keep in mind, this isn’t a rank of the shows themselves, strictly the theme songs, although one could argue that the shows actually make the songs better. When you hear them, the images pop up into your subconscious so I guess they go hand in hand.

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