someone please cheer me up please.

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nobodygirl
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someone please cheer me up please.

Post by nobodygirl »

Feel free to tell me that this is not that kind of forum, but I learned last night that my significant other type-person may be moving 85 miles away, to the bustling burb that is Bensonville, Illinois. He has been offered a job and he's not sure what the pay increase would be like, but I fear that it would be, you know, Enough, because they indicated that he'd be moving from an hourly wage to a salaried position. He has no idea what he's going to do but he needs to give them an answer by the end of this week. And maybe all this sadness is preemptive, but I've been trying hard not to cry at my monitor all morning. Someone tell a joke or something. Please?
--nbg.
DJMurphy
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Post by DJMurphy »

Here's an oldie-but-goodie...

Stevie Ray Vaughan dies, goes to heaven, gets introduced around by St. Peter. He is agog at meeting Hendrix, Muddy Waters... and Bono. After introducing himself like the polite Texan he always was, SRV pulls St. Pete aside and says, "Unless something changed since I died, isn't Bono still alive?" St. Peter casually explained that, "That's really God; sometimes he just likes to pretend he's Bono."


What would be the chances that you'd move to Bensenville with your S.O.? You already know a bunch of cool Chicagoans through GloNo, and it's really only, like, an hour and change to Brewtown.
Coopstar
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Post by Coopstar »

no problemo nobodygirl...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender looks up and sees this strange character come over and have a set at the bar.

"Gimm'e a beer matey."

The bartender grabs him a beer.

"Exuse me sir - but if I may ask... why do you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"

The pirate takes a drink....

"Arrrrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
nobodygirl
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Post by nobodygirl »

DJMurphy wrote:
What would be the chances that you'd move to Bensenville with your S.O.?
Well, that remains to be seen. He confessed to me last night that he's not sure if he's ready to move in together. (There is no chance I could facilitate a move there on my own at this point. None.) We've been together since last June. Therefore part of me is going "oh, that makes sense, it's only been a year." The other part is going "IT'S BEEN A YEAR, DAMMIT! HOW MUCH MORE TIME DO YOU NEEEEEEED?!?" and thinking that I should have listened to my mom about the whole milk and the cow and the free and the buying. If this even happens, I imagine that i may move there eventually but that it would turn into long-distance Complete Suck for a good while before that.
steve-o
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Post by steve-o »

A Jew, an Arab, and a nun all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What this, some kind of joke?"

Hope that helps. Trying to laugh a lot (and some booze, but later in the day) should help a lot in making you feel better.
Barabajagal
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Post by Barabajagal »

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink, leans back, and surveys the room.

He's amazed to see two guys who look just like George Bush and Don Rumsfeld chatting busily away in the corner. He moves closer to get a better look; sure enough, it's the president and his defense secretary!

The guy decides to approach the two men and introduce himself. He shakes their hands, and asks "What are you guys doing here?"

"We're making our plan for world domination," answers the president.

"Really!" exclaims the guy, "So...what's the plan so far?"

"Well," says Rumsfeld, "We're going to kill 23 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman.

"Bicycle repairman? Why are you going to kill a bicycle repairman?"

Bush smirks, turns and punches Rumsfeld on the shoulder. "See? I told you no one would care about the 23 million Iraqis!"
Mixmaster Shecky
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Post by Mixmaster Shecky »

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping along to her Grandmother's house with her basket of goodies. Suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumps out from behind a tree and says, "Gimme that basket or I'll kill you!"

Little Red Riding Hood pulls a gun out of her basket, points it at the wolf and says, "You'll eat me like the story says, dammit!"
Herb Tarlek
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Post by Herb Tarlek »

If this doesn't make you laugh nothing will.....

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php? ... 0&n=0&pg=2

And of course Uncle Nicky is here to make you laugh:

Image
Jake
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Post by Jake »

nobodygirl wrote:The other part is going "IT'S BEEN A YEAR, DAMMIT! HOW MUCH MORE TIME DO YOU NEEEEEEED?!?" and thinking that I should have listened to my mom about the whole milk and the cow and the free and the buying.
There, there now. That's what they say about filesharing too. And plenty of people are still buying cows. And cds. And women.
D. Phillips
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Post by D. Phillips »

Guy stumbles drunk into his bedroom with a duck under his arm. He flips on the light, waking his wife, and yells, "Here's the pig I told you I was fucking!"

His wife yells back, "That's a duck under your arm, you idiot."

He replies, "I was talking to the duck."
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