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chuck norris is a man of wealth and taste.

Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 10:19 am
by vitas

Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 10:25 am
by dieblucasdie
I never knew you could view a bunch of these at once.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Is the best one.

Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 10:57 am
by trainwreck2
the random generator for the site is quite humorous...
"Damn You Chuck Norris!"

Chuck Norris once ate a three month old baby and then pooped him out the same day as a full grown man. His name you ask...? Abraham Lincoln. Abe later went on to end slavery and go on a beard promotion tour throughout the United States.
Image

Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:09 pm
by steve-o
My personal favorite:
"Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he needs."

"Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did."

Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:20 pm
by Alias
favs:

"Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there."

"Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice."

Not that familiar with Chuck except for that Texas show, but is he also a country singer or something?

Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:10 pm
by Mick
today is chuch norris's birthday, so those not at Josh B's solo show in chicago, be sure to catch the Walker Texas Ranger marathon on the hallmark channel tonight. i plan to judo chop as many motherfuckers as i can at silvie's tonight.

Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 8:21 pm
by Sven Killer Robot Spacema
Chuck called me about 6pm on a tuesday night about a month ago.
He said c'mon over I need a favor. When Chuck calls you don't ask.
I was at the Norris estates within half an hour.
There's Chuck dressed in just his komono.
He was sitting in his favorite recliner and he says to me deadpan,
"I need you to take one of those swords off the wall and cut my head
clean off. It is the honorable way."
Thinking fast I said,"Mind if I take a piss first?"
Chuck nodded but I could tell he wasn't pleased.
Once in the master bath, I ripped open the medicine cabinet and
found his lithium. "Jesus Christ!" I mumbled to myself.
"I filled this prescription for Chuck two weeks ago and he hasn't made a dent in it."
I did some Tai Chi breathing for about 20 seconds to calm myself down.
But I can tell you that 20 seconds felt like fucking 20 minutes.
A mysterious calm came over me and I strolled backed to Chuck's spacious living room as if drunk or stoned.
"Before I assist you in the honorable way, may I suggest a toast
in honor of the samurai code?" The words came out of my mouth as if the Grand Master Pi was speaking them.(He taught Muhammed Ali how to use the Chi in his battles with Smokin Joe Frazier.)
"Make it quick", Chuck blurted out with shocking anger.
I grabbed a bottle of chilled Asti Spumante from the fridge and discreetly slipped two tablets of lithium in Chuck's glass.
Handing the glass to Chuck I blurted out, "To the honorable way of the samurai!"
Chuck looked at me like you look at your dog when he shits on the floor and said nothing. He just guzzled the ample glass of champagne without breathing.
Within 20 minutes we were sparring in Chuck's home gym.
He fucked me up something fierce that night.
But broken ribs heal.
Losing a friend like Chuck would have never healed.
Another lesson learned in the journey that is life.
DON'T FUCK WITH CHUCK!

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 5:24 pm
by hausofjl
i think the funniest thing about the walker reruns is the fact that there are millions, okay maybe thousands, of people who watch it for non-ironic purposes. and that show probably draws a vast majority of hallmark viewers who aren't housewives.

and no one can complain about all the roundhouse kicks, best fighting move ever. long live chuck

Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:25 am
by Geri
Sven Killer Robot Spacema wrote:Chuck called me about 6pm on a tuesday night about a month ago.
He said c'mon over I need a favor. When Chuck calls you don't ask.
I was at the Norris estates within half an hour.
There's Chuck dressed in just his komono.
He was sitting in his favorite recliner and he says to me deadpan,
"I need you to take one of those swords off the wall and cut my head
clean off. It is the honorable way."
Thinking fast I said,"Mind if I take a piss first?"
Chuck nodded but I could tell he wasn't pleased.
Once in the master bath, I ripped open the medicine cabinet and
found his lithium. "Jesus Christ!" I mumbled to myself.
"I filled this prescription for Chuck two weeks ago and he hasn't made a dent in it."
I did some Tai Chi breathing for about 20 seconds to calm myself down.
But I can tell you that 20 seconds felt like fucking 20 minutes.
A mysterious calm came over me and I strolled backed to Chuck's spacious living room as if drunk or stoned.
"Before I assist you in the honorable way, may I suggest a toast
in honor of the samurai code?" The words came out of my mouth as if the Grand Master Pi was speaking them.(He taught Muhammed Ali how to use the Chi in his battles with Smokin Joe Frazier.)
"Make it quick", Chuck blurted out with shocking anger.
I grabbed a bottle of chilled Asti Spumante from the fridge and discreetly slipped two tablets of lithium in Chuck's glass.
Handing the glass to Chuck I blurted out, "To the honorable way of the samurai!"
Chuck looked at me like you look at your dog when he shits on the floor and said nothing. He just guzzled the ample glass of champagne without breathing.
Within 20 minutes we were sparring in Chuck's home gym.
He fucked me up something fierce that night.
But broken ribs heal.
Losing a friend like Chuck would have never healed.
Another lesson learned in the journey that is life.
DON'T FUCK WITH CHUCK!





That,s one of the funniest things I've ever read!!!