Grammy Round-Up!!!

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mikey
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Grammy Round-Up!!!

Postby mikey » Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:11 pm

Once again and against all better judgment to the contrary, I wasted nearly another 4 hours of my life watching "The Rappies" last night. The good news again this year is that if you turned the volume down, some of the performances--especially by leggy or boobalicious half-nekkid over-singers like Gwen Stefani or Alicia Keys--were pretty damn watchable. The bad news was that there were still no live performances by AC/DC, Motorhead, or what's left of the Ramones (all 1 of them).

It's also nice to know that--having been a fan of rock and pop music now for over 25 years--the Grammy Awards can still teach me something new. Here's what I learned last night:

1. U2 is a rock-and-roll band.

2. Green Day is a punk band.

3. The Black Eyed Peas actually are black; Jack White is VERY white.

4. Singing out of your range is not considered a bad thing.

5. Not being able to sing at all--like Tim McGraw--doesn't necessarily mean you won't be nominated for a Grammy.

6. Kanye West has perfect teeth.

7. Jimmy Page looks like a character from one of those BBC "comedies" they show on PBS.

8. Some black people are very angry about something.

9. Some white people are clearly insane.

10. Dead performers can't give incoherent acceptance speeches when they win something.

11. Living performers--like Slash--sometimes look like they're dead.

12. Six words that describe something which was every single bit as horrible as it sounds: "The All-Star Tsunami Relief Jam".

13. The only thing worse than listening to old Janis Joplin records is listening to other people sing old Janis Joplin songs.

14. Elvin Bishop is still alive...sort of.

15. Ronnie Van Zant is still dead.

16. John Mayer's career is proof-positive that there is no God, and that the Universe is cruel, random, and meaningless.

17. Kris Kristofferson is the country Keith Richards.

18. Franz Ferdinand is actually a Talking Heads tribute band.

19. We have Stevie Ray Vaughan to blame for Los Lonely Boys.

and finally:

20. If I were Stevie Wonder, I would have grabbed Norah Jones' ass and then pretended like I accidentally bumped into her because I'm blind and all.

The ONLY--and I mean ONLY--saving grace was someone on that silly awards committee pulling his head out of his rectum long enough to give the best country album award to Loretta Lynn (with Jack White, for "Van Lear Rose"). White made the point that some of Lynn's best records were ignored by country radio...and still went to the top of the charts. "Country radio wouldn't play this record either," he said, "and look who's No. 1 now."

Other than that, and all-in-all: a colossal waste of time...as usual.

Until next year's show, I remain...

Mikey

DJMurphy
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Postby DJMurphy » Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:35 pm

This dude Mikey's giving Sven a run for his money. Astute commentary, Michael, and welcome aboard.

Yeah, I think Melissa Etheridge is still very attractive, even sporting the Sinead look. That took a lot of stones coming off cancer without a wig, more so than some folks. And she did a much better job on the Janis tribute than Joss Stone, who phoned in an off-key rendition of "Piece Of My Heart". But by and large, most of the tributes were pretty damn schmaltzy.

Edit: D'OH! Mikey = Johnny??
Last edited by DJMurphy on Mon Feb 14, 2005 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

steve-o
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Re: Grammy Round-Up!!!

Postby steve-o » Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:55 pm

mikey wrote:20. If I were Stevie Wonder, I would have grabbed Norah Jones' ass and then pretended like I accidentally bumped into her because I'm blind and all.


WORD!

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Postby nobodygirl » Mon Feb 14, 2005 1:02 pm

21. Loretta Lynn is a freaking goddess.

dieblucasdie
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Postby dieblucasdie » Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:06 pm

I like Loretta Lynn, and I like Brian Wilson, and I like Ray Charles.

But the Grammies should get with the times instead of awarding people 20 years too late. How about giving artists awards when they're actually in their prime rather than giving them awards when they pull out some B- "return to form" crap that everyone will forget about in a year. "Time Out of Mind" anyone? "Supernatural"? "Two Against Nature"?

D. Phillips
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Postby D. Phillips » Mon Feb 14, 2005 4:49 pm

I still like Time Out of Mind...

thousandfold
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Postby thousandfold » Mon Feb 14, 2005 4:58 pm

dieblucasdie wrote:But the Grammies should get with the times instead of awarding people 20 years too late. How about giving artists awards when they're actually in their prime rather than giving them awards when they pull out some B- "return to form" crap that everyone will forget about in a year. "Time Out of Mind" anyone? "Supernatural"? "Two Against Nature"?


I'm so with you on that one. Like that year Clapton cleaned up for Tears in Heaven. Quit overcompensating for the fact that you didn't recognize them when they were actually good!

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Postby Barabajagal » Mon Feb 14, 2005 5:05 pm

dieblucasdie wrote:I like Loretta Lynn, and I like Brian Wilson, and I like Ray Charles.

But the Grammies should get with the times instead of awarding people 20 years too late. How about giving artists awards when they're actually in their prime rather than giving them awards when they pull out some B- "return to form" crap that everyone will forget about in a year. "Time Out of Mind" anyone? "Supernatural"? "Two Against Nature"?


I hear ye. Bright side: At least Maroon 5 won't have to worry about it when they get their "Lifetime Achievement" award.

And not that it invalidates your point, Bob Dylan has definitely put out some dogs in his day, but I thought his last two were pretty darn good, and not just in a "root for the coot" way. Then again, Loretta Lynn's was a really fresh, vital-sounding record, yet I have no desire to ever hear it again.

mikey
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Postby mikey » Mon Feb 14, 2005 5:10 pm

DJMurphy wrote:This dude Mikey's giving Sven a run for his money. Astute commentary, Michael, and welcome aboard... Edit: D'OH! Mikey = Johnny??


Hey, thanks for the welcome, and sorry for just ranting away without introducing myself first. I've been sending one of these silly Grammy post-mortems to my friends every year since the mid-90s, but this year I finally decided to post it someplace else.

Great site, great forum. Glad to be here. Btw: who's Sven?

And nope: I'm just Mikey, not Johnny.

dieblucasdie
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Postby dieblucasdie » Mon Feb 14, 2005 5:33 pm

Katy wrote:I'm so with you on that one. Like that year Clapton cleaned up for Tears in Heaven. Quit overcompensating for the fact that you didn't recognize them when they were actually good!


Yeah, and the funny thing is, they're doing it all over again. Kanye lost to Ray Charles, Radiohead lost to Bob Dylan. Steely Dan beat Eminem, Beck, AND Radiohead for chrissakes.

Fifteen years from now we'll see an ancient Thom Yorke accepting a Grammy.

And mikey, welcome. You got mistaken for JTL on your first post, so that's a pretty good way to start.


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