Category Archives: Shorties

From the Legal Desk: The Earth Is Round

One of the more brilliant bits of writing is found in the Introduction of the lawsuit–SMARTMATIC USA CORP., SMARTMATIC INTERNATIONAL HOLDING B.V., and SGO CORPORATION LIMITED, Plaintiffs, -against FOX CORPORATION, FOX NEWS NETWORK LLC, LOU DOBBS, MARIA BARTIROMO, JEANINE PIRRO, RUDOLPH GIULIANI, and SIDNEY POWELL, Defendants—filed in the Supreme Court of New York.

It includes:

1. The Earth is round. Two plus two equals four. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won the 2020 election for President and Vice President of the United States. The election was not stolen, rigged, or fixed. These are facts. They are demonstrable and irrefutable.

2. Defendants have always known these facts. They knew Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won the 2020 U.S. election. They knew the election was not stolen. They knew the election was not rigged or fixed. They knew these truths just as they knew the Earth is round and two plus two equals four.

3. Defendants did not want Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to win the election. They wanted President Donald Trump and Vice President Michael Pence to win re-election. Defendants were disappointed. But they also saw an opportunity to capitalize on President Trump’s popularity by inventing a story. Defendants decided to tell people that the election was stolen from President Trump and Vice President Pence.

4. Defendants had an obvious problem with their story. They needed a villain. They needed someone to blame. They needed someone whom they could get others to hate. A story of good versus evil, the type that would incite an angry mob, only works if the storyteller provides the audience with someone who personifies evil.

5. Without any true villain, Defendants invented one. Defendants decided to make Smartmatic the villain in their story. . . .

6. Those facts would not do for Defendants. So, the Defendants invented new ones. . . .

Not only is this simplicity potentially devastating for the defendants (perhaps not uncoincidentally, Lou Dobbs’ show was canceled by Fox the day after the suit was filed, which tells you something), but the opening is a good description of law suits of all types. Subtract the specifics of the claim, the individuals involved, and note how there are simple things that are known and that people have a tendency to make things up to their advantage. Sometimes the creation of the fiction is predicated simply on the people involved not knowing better. Sometimes it is to try to gain an advantage. (Which is the case in this case: weaving a conspiracy that includes the election equipment and software company in a nefarious undertaking to prevent their Dear Leader from holding on to his position was undoubtedly thought to be good for ratings, and ratings mean money, and Smartmatic’s is a $2.7-billion defamation lawsuit that will undoubtedly make Rudy sweat more than he did outside the Four Seasons Lawn & Landscaping building.)

While it isn’t nearly to the degree of the Smartmatic lawsuit, the CEO of Evermore Park in Pleasant Grove, Utah, has filed a lawsuit against Taylor Swift because she released an album named “Evermore.”

Continue reading From the Legal Desk: The Earth Is Round

XX

Glorious Noise turns 20 and my have things changed. 

Twenty years is a long time, especially in the Information Age where time bends and flips unto itself in meta ways. Digital Culture is not measured in years but memes…in Scaramuccis. To think back on twenty years of Glorious Noise is more than my feeble Gen X mind can even really do or bring any sense to. Still, I must try because it’s the only reason to even participate online anymore.

When we started Jake had to jigger a light hack to even allow comments. The Internet promised to democratize information, but to even have two-way conversations required some level of technical ability most normies didn’t have. So at first, it was still us broadcasting to you. It was our turn to be the gatekeepers and tell you what was cool out there, and more often than not what wasn’t cool. It was fun and basically what my friends and I did at every party we ruined in Chicago. We got loud and debated the legitimacy of the host’s music collection. Now that everyone streams, can we even do that anymore? Where’s the fun?

For a while the site made some money, which kept us online and allowed us to throw parties and launch a record label. You know all this because we mention some version of the site’s history each year at this time. I mention it now because nobody makes money online anymore. Even porn is free. So we don’t throw any parties anymore and we don’t put out our friends’ records. 

I don’t write this as a whine, but to list a few more examples of how things have changed. We didn’t launch the site to make any money and now we’re back to the beginning. We do it now for the same reason we started: because we like to talk about music. Maybe not as much as we used to, but still…

So happy birthday, GLONO. I am pretty proud that this site has been running for twenty years. We’ve found and shared a lot of really cool music in those twenty years and my one true hope is that somewhere along the way, that music changed your life.

Twenty Years Ago Today… Well, Tomorrow

On February 6, 2021, Glorious Noise will have been online for twenty years. Twenty!

I’m trying to remember what life was like twenty years ago. 2001. So long ago. The world wide web was still pretty new. You could buy used records for a buck or two. Good stuff, too, in good condition!

No smart phones. How did we coordinate anything? How did we know where we were going? I guess a lot of times we didn’t know. We just stumbled around until we found what we were looking for.

We’ve seen a lot of changes over these twenty years. The music industry, especially. With everybody streaming now, we’re finally hooked into that “celestial jukebox” that filesharing originally had us thinking about back then. Pretty much. There’s still tons of stuff that’s not available on streaming services.

While announcing our tenth anniversary in 2011, we went on hiatus for a while. That was ten years ago now. There were a lot of reasons for it, but we needed a break. At the time, I wasn’t totally sure if we would come back. But we did and we’ve kept it going ever since. Looking back, 2013-2016 were pretty slow, averaging just 35 posts a year. That’s as dead as we got. But in 2017 and 2018 we recommitted and posted something new every weekday. We’ve grown a little lazier since then, but the goal is still to find as much good stuff to share as we can.

And that’s what we’re going to continue to do.

This is typically the time of year I ask myself what’s the point of doing this at all. I still don’t have a very good answer. I look around at other dads and they keep themselves busy with golf and…I don’t even really know. I still like to listen to music and I still get excited when I hear something new that’s good. And when that happens I want to tell people about it.

So here we are. Twenty years later. Doing it ourselves. For no good reason. A labor of love.

Let’s all hope this year is better than last year. Maybe we’ll get to experience live music again before 2022. I hope so. I miss going to shows. Yelling at bands. Drinking beers with pals. Buying t-shirts from the merch table. It’s been a really long time.

I can’t wait until we’re all vaccinated and we can kick off the Roaring Twenties for real. Until then, hang in there.

Previous birthdays: 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020.

Continue reading Twenty Years Ago Today… Well, Tomorrow

New Lost Horizons ft. Marissa Nadler: Marie

Video: Lost Horizons – “Marie” (ft. Marissa Nadler)

From In Quiet Moments, due February 26 on Bella Union.

Lost Horizons is Simon Raymonde from Cocteau Twins and Richie Thomas from Dif Juz. Old school 4AD. They use guest vocalists and go for that dreamy, gauzy This Mortal Coil thing. Bostonian Marissa Nadler sang on “Winter’s Approaching” from their 2017 debut, and now she’s back again for more.

In a statement Raymonde said, “I don’t think there was ever a second I wasn’t going to find a song for Marissa to sing on the new lp. So much cool stuff came out of our last collaborations on Ojalá, indeed I think we ended up recording four songs from the original idea of doing one! Marissa is a really great and generous collaborator as she really throws herself in deep, and commits to it fully.”

Nadler added, “It was a dream to collaborate with Simon and Ritchie for Lost Horizons again. ‘Marie’ is an aquatic reverie about this title character entering different dimensions. Maybe we’re all feeling a little submerged, watching the time. This stream of consciousness song came from listening to the track that Simon sent, and birthed this hypnagogic hallucination of a story.”

Raymonde discussed recording the track: “The initial music that Richie and I improvised in our basement studio in Brighton was a bit messy and we didn’t use a click or anything to keep tempo so fixing anything later was a lost cause, but it is such a cool piece that I loved creating (I think I put 4 maybe 5 bass parts on with my old trusty Fender VI string bass guitar!) that even when it’s kinda falling apart during that instrumental section near the end, I still love it.”

We love it when things kinda fall apart. Kinda falling apart is our aesthetic. It’s essentially the definition of glorious noise.

Lost Horizons: web, twitter, bandcamp, amazon, apple, spotify, wiki.

From the Sports Desk (Yeah, Right)

This coming Sunday Super Bowl LV will be held in Tampa. The LV for those of you who have given up counting like an ancient Roman is 55. Tampa is in Hillsborough County, Florida, which is far below places like Miami-Dade County when it comes to COVID-19 cases and deaths (as of February 1, M-D: 373K cases; 4,905 deaths//Hillsborough, 101K; 1,319 deaths), but it still makes the top 5.

The main act during the halftime show is The Weeknd. Presumably he has been residing in the U.S. because he is Canadian, and the U.S.-Canadian border is closed to all non-essential travel until February 21 due to the pandemic, and somehow acts at a football game don’t seem like the definition of “essential.”

According to the NFL, there will be 25,000 fans and 30,000 cutouts in attendance at Raymond James Stadium, which has a capacity of 65,890 humans. Presumably you could really stack in the cutouts.

For some people, the Super Bowl is about the game (in this case, the Kansas City Chiefs vs. the Tampa Bay Buccaneers). For other people it is about the ads. And for a non-trivial number, the halftime show. (In case you are wondering, Super Bowl I’s halftime performers were the University of Arizona and Grambling State marching bands. Isn’t that somehow more football appropriate than a guy who has racked up three Grammy Awards, five American Music Awards and nine Billboard Music Awards?)

The Morning Consult, which has become my go-to place for things of a statistical nature, has surveyed U.S. adults to get their favorability ratings for the Super Bowl halftime shows from XLIV, which was held in 2010, to LIV, last year. In terms of performers for those two games, it was a band that liked to call itself “The Who” in 2010 and Shakira and Jennifer Lopez, featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin in 2020.

The people surveyed were given three choices: Favorable. Don’t Know/No Opinion. Unfavorable.

The performer who has been the most popular at the Super Bowl in the last decade? Bruno Mars. His performance in 2014, with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, was rated 59% Favorable and just 14% Unfavorable.

The performer who has been the least liked? Madonna. Her 2012 halftime show, with LMFAO, Nicki Minaj, M.I.A. and Cee Lo Green, had a Favorable rating of 44% and an Unfavorable number of 32%. That is not only the lowest Favorable number (there is a six-point difference to the next lowest, Maroon 5, featuring Travis Scott and Big Boi, at 50%), it is the highest Unfavorable number (with Maroon 5, featuring Travis Scott and Big Boi at 25% Unfavorable).

With the exception of Madonna, all of the other acts are all 50% or more Favorable.

Continue reading From the Sports Desk (Yeah, Right)

New Sincere Engineer: Tourniquet

Video: Sincere Engineer – “Tourniquet”

Directed by Nolan J. Downs. Single out now on Hopeless.

How great is this band?

It’s winter again and there’s cracks in my skin.
Nothing stops the bleeding.

I recommend Kiehl’s ultimate strength hand salve. It works great. At least for the literal cracks in your skin. There’s probably not a product you can purchase at the Nordstrom building on Michigan Avenue that will help with the metaphorical cracks in your skin.

I can’t wait until all this pandemic bullshit is over so I can go see Sincere Engineer play live again. In the meantime, I’ll be listening to this song on repeat.

Sincere Engineer: web, twitter, bandcamp, amazon, apple, spotify, wiki.

Truckin’

As there has been a decided tendency on my part to write these things with numbers—many of which have something to do with an alphanumeric that ends with “19,” which I promise not to go into today—here are some numbers that, unless you are into the pickup version of trainspotting (the actual British pastime, not the Irvine Welsh book or the Danny Boyle film), you’re probably unaware of.

In 2020 Ford sold 787,422 F-Series trucks. That means that every single person in Seattle could have gotten an F-Series truck last year. The F-Series has been the best-selling pickup for 44 years. That goes back to 1976. The top three songs Billboard Top 100 singles list for that year are (1) “Silly Love Songs” by Wings, (2) “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by Elton John and Kiki Dee, (3) “Disco Lady” by Jonnie Taylor. Yes, a long time ago.

There’s more.

Ford hired the Boston Consulting Group late last year to run some numbers on the importance of the F-Series to the U.S. economy. And it turns out that the F-Series supports about 500,000 jobs in the U.S. (this doesn’t mean there are 500,000 people building pickup trucks but that if you take direct employees and dealer employees, there is a multiplier effect leading to that figure). And another multiplier figure: the F-Series contributes about $49-billion to the U.S. Gross Domestic Product.

All of that may seem rather nebulous (unless “Silly Love Songs” is now stuck in your head and you’ve pretty much glazed over the preceding paragraph).

So here’s something that makes it more tangible, perhaps.

The revenue for the iPhone in the U.S. is $55-billion, which explains, in part, why Apple is so valuable. The revenue for the F-Series is $42-billion. The revenue for the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL combined is $40-billion. (And you might have thought the Super Bowl was a huge deal.) And speaking of sports, all of the Budweiser product sold in the U.S.: $15-billion. (Don’t drive an F-Series, or anything else, for that matter, after consuming some of that.)

And in the context of companies with which we’re all familiar, the F-Series has more revenue than McDonald’s, Nike, Coca-Cola and Starbucks.

A final thing about Ford and pickup trucks: Henry Ford is credited with inventing the pickup, with the first model rolling off the assembly line in 1925. (Among the popular songs in 1925 were “Ah-Ha!” by Ted Lewis and His Jazz Band, “Let’s All Go to Mary’s House” by Savoy Orpheans and “Yes Sir, That’s My Baby” by Ace Brigode & His Fourteen Virginians.)

Yes, there actually is something to do with music in all of this.

It’s the phenomenal popularity of trucks in country music.

For a reason that is absolutely mysterious, a British vehicle insurance site, money.co.uk, worked with a U.S. data scientist, John Miller, to analyze country music and trucks. There were more than 16,000 songs analyzed from the past 50 years.

From that base it was determined that 4.16% of all country music has a reference to trucks. The decade of the 2010s had a full 8%.

Continue reading Truckin’

New Jordi: Escape Route

Video: Jordi – “Escape Route”

Directed by Jordan Radnoti. Single out now on Dangerbird.

Oh brother, just what the world needs: another reason to feel like a big loser.

What had you accomplished when you were 17? When I was that age I couldn’t even make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. High school senior Jordan Radnoti, on the other hand, has just recorded and released her debut single for Dangerbird Records. She plays every instrument on it. So yeah.

Before busting out as “Jordi” she had previously played drums for the band Unicorns at Heart who released a couple singles on Dangerbird last year. And according to google she’s also a hockey goalie and a cross-country runner. Plus, she drums like Dave Grohl and sings with an English accent. Well-rounded kid!

“Escape Route” was written when she was 15, and she told American Songwriter, “It’s escaping from your own problems and your own fear that you create inside of your head, which I do a lot and I feel like I tend to overthink things a lot.” Right on.

New Charlie Hickey: Ten Feet Tall ft. Phoebe Bridgers

Video: Charlie Hickey – “Ten Feet Tall” (ft. Phoebe Bridgers)

Directed by Zoe Donahoe and Adam Sputh. From the Count the Stairs EP, due February 26. Single out now.

The kids are alright.

Charlie Hickey is 21. And he’s been writing songs since grade school. The story goes that he impressed Phoebe Bridgers when he was 13 by covering one of her songs. Eventually she introduced him to her drummer/ex-boyfriend Marshall Vore who collaborated with Hickey and produced his upcoming EP. It’s all about who you know, I guess, but it doesn’t hurt to write good songs and be able to perform them so effortlessly.

He went to college for a year before he dropped out to focus on his music, but it sounds like he was there long enough to capture the essence of the whole experience: “There’s not a problem here that can’t be solved with liquor, stickers, and strawberry Boone’s.”

Hickey describes how “Ten Feet Tall” came about:

“I was going to school at the time and was feeling quite alienated in this little world where everybody was instantly partying with their brand new best friends and fun came so naturally. I found solace in Marshall’s studio on the weekends. This was our first proper attempt at writing together and we were writing something really horrible. We were both kind of delirious and Marshall started singing the verse melody for the song as a joke, making fun of what we had been trying to write. But when I heard it, I said to him, ‘Wait, that’s the song that we’ve been trying to write.’ After that, we wrote the rest that night and recorded it the next day.”

And that’s all it takes!

The video makes me nostalgic. It was so much fun to be young and bored and goofy, hanging out with your crew and doing nothing, cracking each other up. Looking for excitement and never finding it.

Charlie Hickey: web, insta, bandcamp, amazon, apple, spotify, wiki.

Continue reading New Charlie Hickey: Ten Feet Tall ft. Phoebe Bridgers

New L.A. Witch video: Motorcycle Boy

Video: L.A. Witch – “Motorcycle Boy”

Directed by Ambar Navarro. From Play With Fire, out now on Suicide Squeeze.

Phil Spector is dead. Long live the Wall of Sound.

Really though, to suggest that L.A. Witch cops the Phil Spector sound is lazy. Just because they use a lot of reverb? Come on. If anything, L.A. Witch has more of a George “Shadow” Morton sound. He’s the guy who wrote and produced the Shangri-Las and later worked with Vanilla Fudge and the New York Dolls.

Girl group harmonies, spooky guitars, and lyrics about bad boys on motorcycles? Check, check, check.

Sade Sanchez says, “The song is inspired by Moto Boys like Mickey Rourke, Marlon Brando, and Steve McQueen, so of course we took a lot of inspiration from our favorite biker movies like The Wild One, Rumble Fish, On any Sunday, Easy Rider, Hells Angeles ’69 and The Girl on a Motorcycle. I had worked with (director) Ambar Navarro and Max [Flick, director of photography] on another project and loved their other work, so we wanted to work with them on this. They definitely did their homework and came up with a cool story line. I got to feature my bike that I’d been rebuilding during the pandemic. It was nice to shoot a video where you get to do two of your favorite things, riding motorcycles and play guitar.”

The video looks great. Vroom vroom!