Tag Archives: American Idol

Introducing Your Judges

Noel Gallagher, Russell Brand and Morrissey are mocking your shoes.
Noel Gallagher, Russell Brand and Morrissey are mocking your shoes.
Look at this picture and just imagine the comments. Imagine being a poor soul with ugly shoes who happens to pass by. The insults would be earth shattering. Mozzer, Russell Brand and Noel Gallagher all passing judgment on you in a public space? It’s just too much.

But now imagine that rhetorical arsenal put to work for good. Imagine these were the judges of a nationally televised talent show. Forget American Idol or The X Factor or America’s Got Talent…this is Fuck Off The Stage!

Act after act would come out to perform their bit and then stand there as these three loudmouths dress them down for the entertainment of millions. Mozzer’s turn-of-phrase, Noel’s Northern English verbal blunt trauma, Brand’s…Brand-ism. The horror!

And the best part would be that nobody wins…ever. The season would end with no winner, no big finale…just those three guys having pints and talking shit. THAT I would watch.

Photo via Russell Brand on Twitter

My Ears Glaze Over. . .

I rarely watch live TV. Yes, I’ll turn on the news in the morning while I’m getting ready for work. But for the most part, it is watching via DVR. Which means that I can view what I want when it is convenient (generally in the evening, when, I suppose, most people watch TV) and get through it a bit more expeditiously than might otherwise be the case (yes, as in fast-forwarding through the. . . ).

It has recently occurred to me that when I’m done watching the DVR and select the “View television” option on the screen, almost invariably there is some sort of live entertainment contest on. “The Voice.” “The X Factor.” “American Idol.”

A seemingly endless number of people singing covers who wouldn’t cut it in a dive bar. Cee Lo with some sort of bird. Britney Spears earning some sort of living. A few people who have better pipes than the people judging them. And on it goes.

Apparently, America’s Got a Huge Appetite for This Stuff.

But what has become of the performance, in prime time, of musicians who aren’t in a talent contest? Where are the prime-time shows that bring out bands?

You can catch musicians performing earlier in the day, be it on the “Today Show” or “Ellen.” You can catch musicians on both of the Jimmys at night, as well as with Jay, Dave and Conan.

But from 8 pm to 11 pm?

While one might argue that “variety” shows no longer cut it, how to explain “Dancing with the Stars,” which is less about the dancing per se than it is the performers who are associated with doing things that aren’t dancing (to say nothing of the professional dancers—female and male alike—who are more provocative than you are likely to find cutting the rug at any dress ball)?

Prime time music is background music only, unless it is “Glee,” which is, again, about covers. Get your song on “New Girl,” “Gossip Girl,” or some other girl, and you’re going to get some traction.

Otherwise, what can a singer or a band do in order to gain some visibility on television? It seems that the only possible route is to become a vocal/musical imitator extraordinaire, because when it comes to TV, familiarity breeds comfort, and there’s nothing better than an audience that’s comfortably numb.

Lots of Links: Twitter Roundup #16

Tweet tweetBelow are the things we’ve posted to Twitter recently. In reverse chronological order, just like Twitter…

# Cracking the pallophotophone code. Radio recordings from 1929-31 ft. the voices of Edison, Herbert Hoover, & Henry Ford. http://ow.ly/1Uhq4 2 minutes ago

# A great interview with Topspin’s Ian Rogers about the music biz: http://bit.ly/bwSs0E @iancr 22 minutes ago

# On This Day in 2004: “Glorious Noise is good” — Colin O’Malley, TRUSTe http://ow.ly/1UeSS Do you still follow us, @micshasan? about 1 hour ago

# RT @soundofthecity: The 10 Most Shocking Revelations About the Tragic Last Days of Gang Starr MC Guru http://bit.ly/cxBA2o about 2 hours ago

# Cool. RT @genesimmons: Hey, if you’re 14 years old or under, you can attend any KISS concert in the upcoming N. American Tour for FREE. about 19 hours ago

# “We support the boycott of Arizona.” RT @robertloerzel: Los Lobos cancels Arizona concert. http://www.loslobos.org/site/news.shtml about 20 hours ago

Lots more below, and you might consider joining the 802 other people following us on Twitter so you can keep up with this stuff as it happens…

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American Idol Season 9 Finale

Crystal BowersoxSo this disaster of a season is finally over. Phew. I’ve been a fan since the inaugural season and I’ve been known to (repeatedly) tell anyone who will listen that Kelly Clarkson owes me for her career—I was voting for my girl all along.

From the get go, I’ve always been a proponent of TiVo’s hidden 30-second-skip feature when it comes to Idol. To make the show tolerable, you absolutely have to postpone watching for about 20 minutes to give yourself a solid cushion to bloop through the commercials, the filler, and the bulk of mediocre performances and inane commentary by the judges. But this season forced me to abuse the bloop more than ever before.

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A Whole Lotta Links: Twitter Roundup #14

Tweet tweetBelow are the things we’ve posted to Twitter recently. In reverse chronological order, just like Twitter… We’re reposting 206 tweets this time with a total of 146 links to stuff that (mostly) didn’t end up on GLONO.

# “Benchley had hit bottom. I had reached the mythical state of total anti-rock, which I call ‘Train,’ after the band.” http://ow.ly/1Clou 16 minutes ago

# “C-listers are considerably cheaper than hiring the bigger-name musicians who used to pack clubs.” http://ow.ly/1Ck4G via @Lefsetz about 1 hour ago

# “When he leans down to pick it up, the weight of his backpack and his overall wastedness prevent him from doing so.” http://ow.ly/1CiwB about 2 hours ago

# But don’t say “leaked” in your tweet or 4ad will dmca your ass! RT @tipsheet: Stream THE NATIONAL’s New Album Now http://bit.ly/bX44Lg about 4 hours ago

# Twitter deletes dude’s tweet after bogus DMCA takedown notice. #national #highviolet #4ad RT @TartyTart: http://bit.ly/aui6KA about 4 hours ago

Lots more below, and you might consider following us on Twitter if you want to keep up with this stuff as it happens…

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Twitter Roundup #13

Tweet tweetBelow are the things we’ve posted to Twitter recently. In reverse chronological order, just like Twitter… We’re reposting 121 tweets this time with a total of 80 links to stuff that (mostly) didn’t end up on GLONO.

# FF @Tommy_Stinson – I hate music. Too many notes. Tommy says so. 6 minutes ago

# RT @Weezer: A little credit, please, for referencing “Never Gonna Give You Up” in “Heartsongs” before the Rickroll phenomenon.–RC 18 minutes ago

# RT @lcdsoundsystem: Wow. That drunk girls video with all the pictures is everything i hate in one thing! Nice. 19 minutes ago

# RT @slicingeyeballs: Video: Watch Robyn Hitchcock’s full 37-minute in-store performance at Amoeba Music http://ow.ly/1u6Wz 21 minutes ago

# WSJ: Prince’s Failed LotusFlow3r Site: An Insider Dishes on ‘Polar Bear’ Decor, Fed-Up Fans: http://bit.ly/bCrHBh about 3 hours ago

# Stream another new song from the Hold Steady, ‘The Weekenders’ » http://bit.ly/dsc4lo about 4 hours ago

Lots more below, and you might consider following us on Twitter if you want to keep up with this stuff as it happens…

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Twitter Roundup #12

Tweet tweetBelow are the things we’ve posted to Twitter recently. In reverse chronological order, just like Twitter… We’re reposting 128 tweets this time with a total of 84 links to stuff that (mostly) didn’t end up on GLONO.

# “Suddenly, you realized that every great band or musician you love also loved Alex Chilton and Big Star; it’s certain.” http://ow.ly/1ozyj about 2 hours ago

# Jack White (cont): “In the end she’s laughing all the way to the Prada handbag store. She wins every time.” http://ow.ly/1oze3 about 2 hours ago

# Jack White (cont): “For that, they repay her with gossip and judgment.” http://ow.ly/1ozcj about 2 hours ago

# Jack White on Meg: “She can do what those with ‘technical prowess’ can’t. She inspires people to bash on pots and pans.” http://ow.ly/1oza1 about 2 hours ago

# “This line here, ‘Bring your friend, her friend and a blender’…? That’s real good.” http://ow.ly/1oyqP about 2 hours ago

# #FF @loudersoft for delivering the Chilton scoop without any sense of self-aggrandizement. about 6 hours ago

# RT @MOJOmagazine: Alex Chilton 1950 – 2010. A personal tribute to the reluctant Big Star legend, by Martin Aston. http://tinyurl.com/yez8xw2 about 6 hours ago

Lots more below, and you might consider following us on Twitter if you want to keep up with this stuff as it happens…

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Twitter Roundup #11

Tweet tweetBelow are the things we’ve posted to Twitter recently. In reverse chronological order, just like Twitter… We’re reposting 195 tweets this time with a total of 108 links to stuff that (mostly) didn’t end up on GLONO.

# RT @seanonolennon: Now they say I’m abusing Lennon fans? Because I’m defending my mother from insults over an advert I had NOTHING to do with!? 3 minutes ago

# How come Paul McCartney never made another album as good or as weird as Ram? about 2 hours ago

# Sad about Haeley. RT @maura: tonight’s ‘american idol’ recap, in which i get to the point: http://bit.ly/csZzTO about 4 hours ago

# “With Paula, you’re never more than a few minutes away from seeing a grade-A display of batshit antics on live TV.” http://ow.ly/1eHYx #idol about 4 hours ago

# Macca to quit touring in 2012; age 70: http://ow.ly/1eI4N about 4 hours ago

# “But yeah, there’s just so many songs about the war,” the one publisher reiterated. “My writers have a bunch.” http://ow.ly/1eHLu about 5 hours ago

# On this day 2001: Glenn Kotche joins Wilco. Ken Coomer out: http://ow.ly/1eHuB about 5 hours ago

Lots more below, and you might consider following us on Twitter if you want to keep up with this stuff as it happens…

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Twitter Roundup #9

Tweet tweetBelow are the things we’ve posted to Twitter recently. In reverse chronological order, just like Twitter… We’re reposting 196 tweets this time with a total of 109 links to stuff that (mostly) didn’t end up on GLONO.

Also included in this round are Phil’s comments on shows in Portland including the Maldives, Black Whales, the Jay Farrar/Ben Gibbard show he later reviewed, and the Motels! And my comments on “American Idol” and Conan O’Brien’s final “Tonight Show” that featured Neil Young and a group cover of “Freebird.” Oh, and lots of bitchy re-tweets from people who actually bothered to watch the Grammys.

# Do it! RT @slicingeyeballs: Book publisher to #morrissey: Please, please, please let me get what I want: your memoirs. http://ow.ly/12JHF about 11 hours ago

# Only as amazing as the songs and performances. RT @adamficek: How amazing would it be to record the next babyshambles album In Russia? about 11 hours ago

# Hey @rustyrockets word of advice, don’t wear boots with tapered pants. There’s a reason we have a “boot cut” option: http://ow.ly/12LWa about 13 hours ago

# Interesting. RT @iancr: Subscriptions are the New BLACK. (why Facebook, Google, & Apple will own your wallet by 2015): http://awe.sm/50MBA about 15 hours ago

Lots more after the jump, and you might consider following us on Twitter if you want to keep up with this stuff as it happens…

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Neil Young – Pants on the Ground

Video: Neil Young – “Pants on the Ground”

Previously: Neil Young – “Fresh Prince of Bel Air”

I’m starting to think Jimmy Fallon might be a lot funnier than he’s been given credit for.

Continue reading Neil Young – Pants on the Ground