Tag Archives: Britney Spears

Pay to Slum: In the club at the end of the world.

Britney Spears - 3

Everyone has the flu, unless you work at Goldman Sachs, in which case you’re Johnny Amlerica, and your bonus check has too many zeroes. Children with the names of birds choke the sky in experimental flying vehicles, until it turns out they really don’t (Where the Wild Things Weren’t), and all the helicopter pilots west of the Mississippi go back to smoking crumpled cigarettes and grumbling about the clouds in the flight deck coffee. A president wins a Nobel Prize and everyone snickers, a panda conducts home invasions in an attempt to hawk Chinese food, and the world waits for word from the 1990s economy relay tower that it’s transmitting a schematic for how to fix everything. Too bad, because the software required to transmit that information wasn’t invented until 2006, which means it’s game over man, and we’re stuck out here with the hissing wind and a bad case of the Kardashians. There’s no control; we’re just grinding metal. And pop radio is full of mouse-click sleek songs that go nowhere beyond text speak platitudes and the lifted choruses of four-year-old Imogen Heap songs.

And then Britney, a French dude, and motherfucking Akon show up, and suddenly we’re in the pipe five by five. Sic transit gloria mundi.

Continue reading Pay to Slum: In the club at the end of the world.

Britney is Back on Top, Bitch

Billboard: Britney’s ‘Circus’ Debuts Atop Album Chart, making Spears “the only act in Nielsen SoundScan history [1991 to present] to have four albums debut with 500,000 or more.”

1. Britney Spears – Circus – 505,000 (debut)

2. Taylor Swift – Fearless – 193,000 (-28%)

3. Beyonce – I Am … Sasha Fierce – 153,000 (-41%)

4. Kanye West – 808s & Heartbreak – 142,000 (-69%)

5. Nickelback – Dark Horse – 133,000 (-25%)

6. Twilight soundtrack – 133,000 (-18%)

7. Akon – Freedom – 111,000 (debut)

8. High School Musical 3: Senior Year – 91,000 (-7%)

9. Now 29 – 90,000 (-38%)

10. David Cook – David Cook – 87,000 (-22%)

Missing in action: Guns N’ Roses – Chinese Democracy. Ouch. Rumor has its sales this week at 58,000 (-78%). That would put it at #18. Beat by David Cook? Oy. Related: 8 reasons why Chinese Democracy stiffed.

Steamy new Britney video

Britney Spears nude

Video: Britney Spears – “Womanizer” (uncensored)

Britney Spears – Womanizer (Director's Cut)

MTV:

Scenes in the video feature Britney lounging, nude, in a sauna, while her boyfriend showers. The ABC version of the clip obscures her body with digitally added steam; the MTV version does not. Obviously there are no explicit shots in the video, but MTV’s is certainly more provocative.

Certainly.

Update: Replaced old MTV video embed with YouTube, July 27, 2015 -ed.

Britney Spears - Womanizer GIF

Britney's Mom's Book Deal Back On

Lynne Spears - Through the StormLast year, shortly after her 16-year-old daughter got knocked up, Lynne Spears lost her book deal. Well, it looks like the deal is back on, since Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World is due next week from Christian publisher Thomas Nelson.

Originally titled Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World and described by the publisher as “a parenting book that’s going to have faith elements to it,” it had been set for publication on Mother’s Day, 2008. Retitled and appended to include Jamie Lynn‘s pregnancy, it’s sure to contain lots of helpful advice for new parents.

The AP obtained an early copy. MTV sums it up.

The Sun has some shocking details (Sex at 14! Cocaine at 16!), but the publisher denies them and clarifies that Through the Storm “is not a ‘tell all book’ nor a parenting book.” Uh huh.

MP3: Britney Spears – “Gimme More”

Britney’s Mom Loses Book Deal

Reuters says:

A Christian publisher said on Wednesday it has called off a parenting book written by Lynne Spears — the mother of troubled pop star Britney Spears and her pregnant 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn. […]

The working title for the book was “Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World.” Described by the publisher as “a parenting book that’s going to have faith elements to it,” it had been set for publication on Mother’s Day in May 2008.

Wow. What a shame that this book will never see the light of day. As a new parent I’m always looking for good tips on how to raise a happy, well-adjusted, responsible kid. And who could argue with the results that Lynne Spears got? She clearly knows what she’s doing.

Now I don’t want to get into the whole parental blame game here, because heaven knows all parents make their share of mistakes. And if my kid ever knocks up a girl or shaves his head or builds a top secret sex room, I wouldn’t want strangers writing crap about what a lousy dad I was.

Then again, I’m not planning on writing a parenting book for a Christian publisher.

Billboard Boosts Eagles, Bumps Britney

In a last-minute decision Bilboard magazine revised its chart policy to allow the Eagles to debut at #1 over Britney Spears’ new album. Without this change, the Eagles wouldn’t have charted at all because their album is only for sale at Wal-Mart.

In consultation with Nielsen SoundScan, Billboard will now allow exclusive album titles that are only available through one retailer to appear on The Billboard 200 and other charts, effective with this week’s charts. Prior to this, proprietary titles were not eligible to appear on most Billboard charts.

It’s notable that Eagles manager Irving Azoff had been vying for this change for the entire week leading up to the decision. “If the Eagles were SoundScanning this week, even though it’s only available at one retailer, Britney wouldn’t be No. 1,” Azoff told Billboard on Wednesday, October 31.

In explaining the change, senior analyst and director of charts Geoff Mayfield said, “We know that some retailers will be uncomfortable with this policy, but it was inevitable that Billboard‘s charts would ultimately widen the parameters to reflect changes that are unfolding in music distribution. We would have preferred to make this decision earlier, but only became aware within the last 24 hours that Wal-Mart would be willing to share the data for this title with Nielsen SoundScan.”

Continue reading Billboard Boosts Eagles, Bumps Britney

It’s Britney, Bitch

Bald Ass BritneyIt’s not cool to pile on, I know, but anyone who saw the MTV music awards is talking about the same thing: What the fuck happened to Britney Spears?

Like all MTV Music Awards openers, this was hyped to be “amazing” and “shocking” and a triumphant return for who was once the bread and butter for the dopiest channel on TV. The promise was that everyone would be talking about Britney’s performance, and they are, just not for a good reason.

Half stumbling and entirely leadfooted, Britney Spears couldn’t even bother to phone it in. Naughty Baby definitely did a No-No with an uninspired walkthrough that has pole dancers everywhere justifiably declaring: I can do that!

Sarah Silverman may have put it best when she said, “Isn’t [Spears] amazing? Just twenty five years old and she’s done everything she’s going to do with her life.” Let’s hope so.

Watch it on MTV.com (or after the jump).

Previously on GLONO:

2006 MTV Video Music Awards

Crunk in Public: The 2004 MTV Video Music Awards

The White Mouse Has Escaped! The 2003 VMAs

Drunker Than Pink: The 2002 VMAs

Naughty Baby Did a No-No: The 2001 VMAs

More Britney coverage than we’re proud to admit.

Continue reading It’s Britney, Bitch

When Dirtballs Attack – K-Fed Disses Brit

In the opening salvo of what is sure to be an entertaining tabloid dishfest, Kevin Federline talks trash about Britney Spears’ new romantic fling—literally.

Asked about his thoughts on news that Brit and musician Howie Day’s recent sleepover, K-Fed snapped back with a zinger by imparting the sage word, “you have to head to the dump to find trash.” Oh, the irony!

Hit us with your best comebacks!

Expert P.R. advice for Britney

Public relations gurus Lizzie Grubman, Ronn Torossian, and Matthew Traub tell Britney Spears how to handle her press issues: “Showing a little motherly love would be appropriate, but I don’t think that is the only silver bullet. It’s a mix of showing yourself to be a rational human being, which is not something she has done lately.”

More: “Major public wake-up call and damn soon. Britney Spears was legitimately an A-List superstar, and now she’s on the ‘can’t touch’ this list. She’s in MC Hammer league. There’s no brand that will want to be associated with her. With celebrities, you are selling a brand, no matter what. Whether you are Jay-Z or a D-Lister on The Surreal Life, you are selling a brand. Britney Spears is untouchable now. Someone has to talk sense into her and change that.”

Aren’t P.R. people fascinating? Do they really talk like that? Or is that just the reality of celebrity in 2007? Creepy.

Britney Files For Divorce

The AP is reporting that Britney Spears has filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. This just one day after Ms. Spears’ surprise visit to Late Night with David Letterman and in the same week that the Federlines’ suit against a tabloid claiming the two were worried that a purported sex tape could surface was tossed. Could it be? Do you care?

Update: TMZ has the papers.