Tag Archives: Donald Trump

New Juliana Hatfield video: Short-Fingered Man

Video: Juliana Hatfield – “Short-Fingered Man”

Juliana Hatfield – "Short-Fingered Man" [Official Video]

Juliana Hatfield rules. Check her out, dancing around her hallway, looking into her phone all mean and cool. She’s the best.

“She’s so bored she falls asleep / Short-fingered man can’t get her off / Short-fingered man best give it up / He claims he’s all the way in / But she can’t feel anything / He must be lying.”

The history of Graydon Carter’s “short-fingered vulgarian” epithet is rather amusing. At least it was amusing a year ago. Now, maybe less so.

Like so many bullies, Trump has skin of gossamer. He thinks nothing of saying the most hurtful thing about someone else, but when he hears a whisper that runs counter to his own vainglorious self-image, he coils like a caged ferret. Just to drive him a little bit crazy, I took to referring to him as a “short-fingered vulgarian” in the pages of Spy magazine. That was more than a quarter of a century ago. To this day, I receive the occasional envelope from Trump. There is always a photo of him—generally a tear sheet from a magazine. On all of them he has circled his hand in gold Sharpie in a valiant effort to highlight the length of his fingers. I almost feel sorry for the poor fellow because, to me, the fingers still look abnormally stubby. The most recent offering arrived earlier this year, before his decision to go after the Republican presidential nomination. Like the other packages, this one included a circled hand and the words, also written in gold Sharpie: “See, not so short!” I sent the picture back by return mail with a note attached, saying, “Actually, quite short.”

“He’s very insecure / You have to talk gently to him / Like a little girl.”

Juliana Hatfield’s Pussycat is due April 28 on American Laundromat.

Broke Mack: Have you ever been in a hot tub?

Video: Ice Cube – “Who’s the Mack?”

Ice Cube – Who's The Mack

I didn’t even realize Ice Cube made a video for this song from Amerikkka’s Most Wanted until I was googling around, looking for something or other and stumbled across it on YouTube. Priority Records released a promotional 12″ in 1990, but it didn’t chart.

The best part about this video–other than Cube looking like an adorable little kid–is the ending where after spending the whole song rapping about different types of con artists in his own community, he visually opens up the definition to include White America. There’s “President Mack” (sitting POTUS George H. W. Bush), “Busted Mack” (televangelist Jim Bakker who had recently been found guilty on 24 counts of fraud and conspiracy), and best of all, “Broke Mack” (Donald Trump).

In June 1990, the Wall Street Journal reported the news of Trump’s impending financial distaster. So I’m assuming this video was made shortly after that. People magazine even had a cover story in July titled “Poor Donald!” But nobody summed it up better than Ice Cube: Broke Mack. You knew the game and you still ended up on your back.

Continue reading Broke Mack: Have you ever been in a hot tub?

Hillary Clinton is Not the Lesser of Two Evils: She is GOOD

I consider myself a connoisseur of reality television. I realize that many smart people dismiss the genre in favor of make-believe stories, and I get it. There is a lot of really terrible reality tv. Of course, there is also a lot terrible scripted tv. Sturgeon’s revelation, yo. At its best, reality tv features all the hallmarks of any good narrative: interesting character development, unexpected plot twists, a reflection of a societal value.

The Apprentice was never great television. But it was entertaining for a while. I watched most of the first twelve seasons of The Apprentice/Celebrity Apprentice. I enjoyed the premise of contestants working together on teams to complete a mission each week with one person from the losing team being eliminated. Celebrity Apprentice often exposed a different side of famous people than what is typically showcased in official publicity campaigns. You could find out who was actually smart (Joan Rivers, Arsenio Hall, Bret Michaels), and who was as dumb as you’d thought they would be (Gene Simmons, Rod Blagojevich).

The host, Donald Trump, fell into the latter class. On the show, he came across as a self-important buffoon. In the “boardroom” at the end of each episode where Trump decides who gets fired, he would ask the contestants and his advisors for their opinions on who should be “fired” and why. Revealing the attention span of a toddler, Trump would frequently cut short these discussions and make a brash decision based on something stupid that had nothing directly to do with the challenge. One week somebody would get fired for not defending themselves strongly enough in the boardroom; the next week another person would get fired for being too argumentative and abrasive. It was arbitrary. After the contestants left the boardroom, Trump inevitably would say to his advisors, “That was the right decision, don’t you agree?”

It was hilarious. His insecurity was so obvious. He’s so blatantly the “tough guy” with no real backbone. He’s Francis from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. This was all completely clear when you watched the show. And it was funny.

But it’s not funny anymore.

Because now instead of his ill-informed decisions sending Khloé Kardashian packing her bags, his decisions could determine who is sitting on the Supreme Court, and whether or not the United States will honor its treaties with NATO.

Even before he called Mexicans rapists, incited political violence, encouraged racism and religious discrimination, he proved himself unfit for the presidency by just being such a clown.

Continue reading Hillary Clinton is Not the Lesser of Two Evils: She is GOOD