Quick: What do you think of when you think about the Neon? Or the Stratus? Or the Caravan? Dakota or Durango?
Yes, I thought so. Aerosmith.
“Dodge and Aerosmith are a perfect match. Both represent the rebellious and youthful energy that great rock and roll bands and great car brands have come to represent. Who better to partner with a great American brand like Dodge than the greatest American rock band of all time, Aerosmith?” observed Jim Schroer, executive vp, Global Sales & Marketing, DaimlerChrysler Corp., while announcing that Dodge is sponsoring Aerosmith’s U.S. tour.
And listen to this: “We’ve been playing and touring for 30 years and have never had a corporate sponsor. But when Dodge asked if we would be interested, we thought it would be a great fit for a touring band like us. . .cars, truck [sic] and racing. It’s all rock and roll.” That’s guitarist Tom Hamilton.
Let’s see. . .”Greatest American rock band of all time”? Dodge as “rock and roll”?
But wait, as they say in the cheesy commercials, there’s more:
“We are America’s hometown band; the garage band that made it really big out there on the road. You can always count on Aerosmith to play your town. We paved the road, so to speak.” That’s Joe Perry, sounding more pathetic than Steven Tyler did while caterwauling “The Star Spangled Banner” prior to this year’s Indianapolis 500 in a manner that would have done Roseanne proud. “Garage band”?
These poor bastards need to take their medication and get some rest.
One more quote that will make you want to run over the collected works of Aerosmith with a loaded Dodge Ram pickup: “Trust me, this is just the very tip of the iceberg. We have plans in the works that will touch every element of the Dodge family—customers, dealers and employees. This alliance will re-define how two great brands can work together to support each other’s interests, while delivering what all our fans and customers desire.” That’s Julie Roehm, director, Dodge Marketing Communications.
So is that Dodge “fans” and Aerosmith “customers”?
a Google search for “Jim Schroer” + “Aerosmith” didn’t turn up anything. Is this a hoax/joke?
Nope. Real deal. Google notwithstanding.
Anybody notice that this is an “alliance” between Aerosmith and Dodge? In the marketing world it’s called co-branding and can have both negative and positive results. Funny to think of bands as brand names, but that’s what we get with corporate rock. And what is Aerosmith’s brand promise? “We deliver cut rate Rolling Stones images with bland songwriting and unlistenable production.” I’ll bet next on the Aerosmith board room table is just-in-time delivery of “Love in an Elevator Redux.”
Ok, I think I’ve finally get my gag reflex under control, so I’m no longer projectile vomiting whenever I think about this whole thing…
Well, what can you say?
It’s a good move by Dodge-no doubt the kind of buzz-cut, mongoloid pink boys that actually listen to Aerosmith or any other kind of corporate dinosaur rock (“garage rock” – hee hee!), also thinks driving trucks and SUV’s makes other people think he gets laid a lot or whatever. Yes, these woofing morons will be tooling around in their debt-mobiles with a complimentary Aerosmith cd blasting away in their stereos, driving fast and furious to get home because that Icehouse ain’t gonna drink itself.
And Aerosmith gets a nice little nest egg for that ever-nearing time that they are no longer profitable, because even they can’t believe they’re going to get away with this crap much longer.
So everyone wins! Of course, American culture becomes even cheaper and more meaningless, but no one normal cares about that…
Everyone listen up because I am only going to say this once… GO AWAY!!!! Aerosmith please listen to me, this is for your own good. Dodge is about 20 years to late so I know who we can get instead of Dodge. Brace yourself. Introducing Aerosmith as the newest endorser for Depends Adult Diapers. I can smell the cash from here, and it smells like Vicks and Ben Gay.