(At the risk of GloNo becoming “The Internet’s 2nd Biggest Andrew W.K. Site”)

Because I’m sure that some of you haven’t actually read it, the following is taken verbatim from Andrew W.K.’s web site:

“The future is so bright – at times I feel the need to cover my eyes with my hands for fear of being blinded. But, as quickly as I can cover them, something will tear them away, and I’m forced to momentarily gaze into the explosion. What I see is almost too much to bare – I see the absolute truth. That there is nothing to be afraid of. There is nothing that can hurt me or anyone else. That my place in this room is the same as my place in the universe. That these things are not to be looked down upon, but to be looked up to. And suddenly, all that ever once was is not any more. And all the stuff that I was worried about is no longer upsetting, and all the things that I was afraid of seem safe and warm. The truth has everything inside of it – EVERYTHING. And it is O.K. and it is good.

I will work everyday to feel O.K. To truly feel O.K. is to accept everything as such and that you have a place inside of it all. And that place is a miracle, not something small. We can do so much, so easily, so fast. We have so much power, and so much ability. Human beings are one of the greatest achievements in the history of the world. We are our own achievement. So many people have dedicated their lives to working for our benefit. So many things that we have now came from people before us. We owe to them to make the most of our times now. We can create things of such beauty and magnificent dimensions, and we have the potential to destroy and tear down and deplete as well. This is so simple and so clear. The future holds everything. In my life I want to feel as good as possible and help as many people as I can to feel the same. I want to do everything and I want to help as many people do everything too. Everyone is invited. No one is turned away here. This music is about freedom and this music is much bigger than just me. I don’t own it – I couldn’t try to keep it all to myself even if I wanted to. It belongs to human beings. It belongs to you. The music is perfect. All it wants is for people to be happy. It doesn’t even exist except as a moment of time. The more you believe in it, the stronger it gets and the stronger you get. The music is your best friend, and it will never turn its back on you or let you down. It loves you unconditionally and thinks that you’re great. It wants to do whatever it can to make you smile and feel good. You can do no wrong. There is nothing you could ever do or say or feel or think that would make it leave you. It will always be there for you – from the first time that you hear it to the last time before you die. In the morning when you wake up, and right before you go to sleep. And it will visit you in the dark, in your dreams and it will make you’re happiest wishes come true, and in your nightmares it will protect you and fight for you and keep you safe. The only thing happening here is acceptance and excitement. This is real and true. It is the truth. I will work everyday, and be patient, and have endurance, so that I can give to others what has been given to me. It is not instant. It will take time, and when I’m dead it will continue on without me. This is not mine alone, and I did not begin it. It was begun when the first baby smiled and it will NEVER END. NO ONE CAN STOP THIS – this is still just the beginning. The start of the beginning. This has never happened before. We have never happened before. You have never happened before. There are new horizons and new frontiers that belong to us. These are our trails to blaze. THIS IS OUR TIME. I LOVE YOU.”

Whew. Now if you can actually read through this entire, inane rant (Which you should if you’ve been looking at this site for any amount of time; I hope if we’ve done nothing else, we’ve trained you to suffer through inane ranting.), it should be clear that it is impossible to take Andrew W.K.’s, uh, “art” seriously. Which is fine. Go ahead and like him, hate him, mock him, whatever. Enjoy his music even. (The music isn’t really that bad, at least as good as Slaughter, but a far cry from the metal act created for the movie “Rock Star.”) Go ahead and have an honest reaction to him. But, the original point of the article below still stands: The guy is an idiot.

It is important to draw a distinction between Andrew and someone who has, say, an ounce of sense. One of the key failings of our modern society is the substitution of democratic opinion for truth. The way this gets reflected in the artistic world is when people purport that making and creating are one in the same. But, as we can all hear, making noise is not composing music. Nor are typing and writing equivalent. Go look “art” up in the dictionary if you don’t get this point.

I am a critic, and thus call W.K. out for what he is: A competent musician who should shut the fuck up. His music is not the issue, it’s the gobbledygook that he’s passing off for deep thinking. He thinks his party music somehow transcends the genre, which it clearly doesn’t. Worse, his ridiculous “philosophy” is nothing more than nonsensical mantras gleaned from TV and tabloids. (“The future holds everything.” What?) While W.K. has every right to his worldview, he comes from a long line of modern day mystics who think that spouting their garbage—and that’s what the screed above is—is as justified as espousing enlightenment. But having an opinion is not the same as having an informed opinion; concepts like truth and quality (read Pirsig if you don’t understand) make this so. The world is not flat, no matter how many fake blood-covered rockers might pretend that it is.