The OC: Mansierres and Lady Love

Oh, are you cold? Let me stretch my lithe frame across yours and draw the blanket over us...In real life, girls’ nights and guys’ nights out are mutually sanctioned, non-merging events that maintain a strict internal code of silence. On the “OC” they’re locomotives piloted by a sexually curious drunkard and two confused comic book geeks, hurling from opposite ends of the same track and destined to smash together in a twisted metal wreck of bickering and awkward walk-ins, not to mention a heavy-duty subtext that could give new meaning to single gender activities. That’s right: the “OC” makes real life its bitch.

Seth’s annoyingly fragile heart is once again cracked by arrival of Alex’s “ex”, a slinky brunette named Jody. Dating pro that he is, Cohen already can’t handle it that his whiskey-for-breakfast sort-of girlfriend – the one running a casting call for Drugstore Cowboy out of her apartment – might have just a little bit of baggage hidden behind her makeup drawer. But when he discovers Jody’s non-male status, it’s time for huffing and puffing and ridiculous confrontation, guys’ night out be damned. “There’s only one thing to do”, Seth says. “What, hook up with a guy?” Zach wonders cheekily, maybe not knowing how right he is. Sure, everyone loves a lesbian subplot; it’s not even that taboo anymore. (Shades of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”.) But as the “OC”‘s pretty young relationships continue tumbling toward disfunction, would it be that much of a stretch for Schwartz, et al to start rocking the boy kiss? Future soundtrack pick: Scissor Sisters, “Lovers in the Backseat”.

With Summer’s freaking out over her six-month anniversary with Zach and Lindsay all intimidated by the Doe Eyed Fawn’s coquettish beauty, Marissa decides it’s time for a girls’ night out. You know, like when she and Summer were little girls, only with flasks of vodka instead of “Full House” marathons. “Oh, hello Lindsay”, Marissa whispers, her voice a multi-tracked amalgam of every scary child actor ever named Caulkin or Fanning. “Welcome to my pretty dream house. But please, don’t stare directly at the garish, bejeweled dressing table I’m sitting at. The refracted beams of light that its beveled glass panels give off will soon coalesce to form a flaming prism of pure evil that will hover above the mirror like a three-sided hell buzzard with a shiv clenched between its razor-sharp teeth. I looked at that prism once without my welding mask, and it sucked me into a life of trophy mothers having sex with my ex-boyfriend and Latin lawn guys taking payoffs just to get the fuck away from my flimsy emotional state and batshit crazy brain. Oh, look though, this secret panel holds a bottle of Sauza he left behind. Want a drink?”

The girls’ night out party soon moves to the Bait Shop, which happens to be filming a promotional appearance by a scruffy, promising young Irish group called the Thrills. As the Fawn and the Firecracker bond like barflies, Summer gets sorted by one of Zach’s water polo buddies, and the tension in Alex and Jody’s relationship is made clear for the cheap seats. Meanwhile, the competing guys’ night out – even if it was only going to be video games and comic books – is just a sad, sad memory as Seth, Zach, and an exasperated Chino head to the Shop themselves to find their ladies and promptly say the wrong thing.

And so the wrong things are said, and Ryan screams and yells and blames the Doe Eyed Fawn for dragging Lindsay into her den of drunken inequity, and even gets off a line about his mother’s alcoholism that was nice background but a little out of place considering his mother hasn’t been mentioned since, like, the middle of last season. Still, all of the screaming was a great setup for what most “OC” viewing parties across the nation have been waiting for since the previews first hinted it, and that’s the Marissa/Alex tryst. This article being so late to publish, we’ll likely only have to wait a day for the, ahem, money shot. But the initial situation was 100% pure and uncut “OC” self-awareness. Marissa’s back at Alex’s apartment, the ex, Jody, asleep in the back. Seth’s been sent home with a pat on the head and a peck on the cheek; Chino’s apologized for his mean streak. All that’s left is Alex and Marissa, watching an old horror movie on the comfy couch. And Alex likey the stranger. “Oh, are you cold? Let me stretch my lithe frame across yours and draw the blanket over us…there, that’s better.” Now, a quick sidelong glance from the Fawn, but just a look of surety in the eyes of Alex – she’s been here before. Fade out. What is this, Erotic Obsessions 4? It couldn’t have been more clichéd if they’d spilled wine on each other’s T shirts, and Jody suddenly appeared with a hankering for a chocolate sauce shower. Which would have been fine, of course. But if any of that happens next week, someone might be trying on a bro soon enough.


Photo courtesy of The OC Files. Be sure to catch up on all of the previous Glorious Noise OC coverage.

12 thoughts on “The OC: Mansierres and Lady Love”

  1. Hawk said it best when he stated ” ladies are good for one thing only, making sure that floor shines when you walk in”. Hawk was always careful to keep his side action and his boys at a safe distance. Seth could learn alot from Hawk and the “Spenser for Hire crew”. Cohen needs to stop whining and make a statement that he is not the standard Hollywood Cohen we’re used to and take some advice from a brooding Matt Dillon in “Rumble Fish”. ” fight the only battle that counts, the one that you’re in”

    JTL speaks for justice.

  2. It’s for pubescent girls and dirty old men. Always has been, always will be.

    I thought you were [url=]”gone”[/url] after the last OC article… Just can’t stay away, can you? :)

  3. Except for the scene where Chino yelled at Marissa this was a really mailed-in episode. I fear there may be some shark-jumping going on hereabouts.

  4. Ugh! I think you’re right. The problem with sharkjumping is that it’s only really obvious after the series is cancelled. Sometimes these TV people manage to pull it out, and keep the series going.

    Perhaps we should look to history as a guide. What season was it that 90210 jumped the shark.

    Come on, I know you guys used to watch it…..and Melrose too!!!

  5. Not very specific (that show was WAAAYY back in time) but when Kelly stopped being a ditzy blonde who just liked to party and somehow became all-serious all-the-time 90210 jumped it.

    This was way after, but when the parents left town so Brandon and his friends could have the house it was totally gone. It made the disappearance of his sister and Andrea seem realistic in comparison.

  6. I was glad to see Andrea go. What a wet blanket.

    90210 was best when Dylan was fucked up. Normal, functioning Dylan was a bore. When he got on smack that show really got good.

    Any 21 Jumpstreet fans out there? The best episode was when Johnny Depp went under cover at the juvie and became the “Hammer” who got to dole out jobs. One of his perks was testing out new hotties from the girl’s juvie and he just lost it when this 14 year old girl was presented to him. The soundtrack came in with “Can’t Find My Way Home” by Blind Faith. It was fantastic TV.

  7. I’m worried about Chino, man. He’s no longer conflicted. He was made out to be a Dillon-esque character. Now he’s a fucking pussy. Sandy trusts him more than Seth now. WTF?

    I wanna see Chino in a fist fight. I wanna see HIM steeling the old man’s car. If they continue to feminize him they’ll loose the show. That was the hook on the first season…drop a working class kid in with souless rich people.

    If they’re gonna pull the switcheroo with Chino and Seth, they’ll have to make Seth a lot naughtier than they have so far.

    Nobody is really being bad on that show anymore.

  8. OC ain’t jumping the shark! This a return to form after that bullshit Oliver/Chinodaddy plotline.

    Also, on the man-love tip, I saw Adam Brody on Conan before the season started, and he said that when he and Chino are in a one-on-one scene, they have to stand really far apart so it won’t be weird. He also hinted that Seth’s love for Chino is nothing compared to what they have planned for Seth and Zach, so take that as you will.

  9. Thank you for these commentaries. My OC viewing isn’t complete without them!

    I’ve tried to get my wife hooked, but she’s been strong so far. It cracks her up that I’m into “The OC”, since she’s the one that usually falls for these types of shows.

    Somewhat funny story:

    I forgot to bookmark this site last year after the season finale. Went searching on Google for “the oc” and “blogs”, and didn’t get this site. Had a flash of inspiration, typed in “doe-eyed fawn” and these commentaries came right up.




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