Live Blogging the AMAs

Election night 2006 was the launch of a new GLONO feature over on POLJUNK: live blogging. We all got twisted and commented in real time on the election returns. It was a hoot and since Loftus is busy deconstructing Detroit garage rock, we’re bringing the live blog to bear on the American Music Awards this Tuesday, November 21. Log on to GLONO at 8/7(cst) and join in on the fun. Think of a drinking game and win a nasty hangover for Wednesday.

Be there!

Previously: I Want A New Drug: The 2003 AMAs and Call Me Diddy: The 2002 AMAs.

158 thoughts on “Live Blogging the AMAs”

  1. Launching with the delicious Boyonce who is fresh from taping “Dream Girls” and is till feeling her inner Diana Ross. God damn she’s foxy.

    This song stinks though. A mid-tempo “Hear Me Roar” knock off. Not my bag at all.

    Wait, who’s that skinny brotha molesting her?

    And now some dude ina hoodie??? Nice of you to dress up.

    Nice Lisa and Wendy hat tip with the hot keyboardists.

    What a lame opener. We all know Boynce can do so much more.

    The dullest of the award shows stay true to form so far.

  2. Hold on! That Idol has stolen Tina Turner’s legs and injected them with chicken hormones. Those can’t be real, can they? And who wears shorts in November without winter tights???

  3. Girl [Beyonce, not Underwood] is lookin a lot healthier these days though. And less crazy.

    If Jesus were actually taking the wheel, he would steer it into a creek, were there any justice.


  4. That crowd looks stiff as hell. Bored stupid. Don’t be surprised if Dem Franchise Boyz don’t get cranked on Yayo and tear this joint up.

    And did I just hear that Johnny Cash is appearing? Now THAT should be exciting!

  5. Kimmel bagging on Snoop and his affinity for blunts.

    Nice tag on Kanye: Winners will be allowed only 45 seconds for a speech. Kanye West will be allowed 45 minutes for rebuttal.

    Rips on K-Fed: Comparisons to Vanilla Ice, but Ice had a hit song…He’s the world’s only No Hit Wonder.

    K-Fed boxed up and thrown in a river.

  6. First winner: Mary J. Blige bags best R&B performer, Female.

    Who let her get that nasty tatoo on her upper arm? Looks like Ike Turner is running her career!

    Thanks to the Lord, of course. Only 17 minutes into the broadcast. Not bad, but can’t compete with the record holding Vibe Awards.

  7. And then Britney gets a standing ovation. Bless her little heart. DRINKING GAME #1: Every time someone thanks the lord.

    Derek, to answer your question (I am new to this liveblogging) the recorded version of the Beyonce song is way decent.

    Oh god, I have to watch the Pussycat Dolls?

  8. Jesus, Nickleback is still a band? ANd they’re up for best Pop/Rock album? Shit!

    And what is this High School Musical? I HAVE to see that!

    Fuck all! Nickelback WON!

    Nice to see Clay Aiken. Anyone following his fued with Kelly Rippa? Seems he got steamed when she pushed his hand from her mouth and said, “I don’t know where your hand’s been.” Some are saying that was a gay bash because gay put their hands in dirty places, get it??? Unlike the straights who are clean as can be.

  9. Coming up: the American debut of Gwen Stefani’s new song.

    I like Gwen on paper. She’s cute as hell, she seems really funny and cool in interviews, but fuck all if her voice doesn’t make me want to sic starved, gonorrhea crazed dogs on her. I tried to like her…I tried.

  10. Anyone else find that Delsym commercial to be unintentionally hilarious? I mean, that dude talking to his right hand…we all know what that hand does in the off hours and here it talking to him face to face. What would Clay Aiken’s right hand hand say?

  11. This song might possibly be more boring than the Groban song. Sorry, blonde disney channel girl who was all “you KNOW it’ll be a huge hit.” The backing vocals are oddly hypnotic though.

  12. Hmmmmmm. I always wondered what heaven would look like if it were populated by marginally tallented singers. Seriously, this performance is supposed to get ratings? Dull, dull, dull.

  13. Oh my god the cast of Grey’s Anatomy are whores. And I am so sick of this song and Coldplay Lite Part Three that I could cry. Or gouge out my ears. Excuse me for a second.

  14. I have yet to jump on the Snow Patrol bandwagon. And, judging by this song, I will stab whoever is driving the bandwagon.

  15. If I lay here…

    I’ll end up sleeping…

    Cause this song is so boring..

    Blah blah blah blah blah.

    Go ahead, give it a sing.

  16. While we’re in commercial breaks, I think it would be good to disclose guilty pleasures of current hit radio. I’ll admit to knowing all the words to that motherfucking song by Hinder (Honey why you calling me, so late…that one) and being thoroughly embarassed by it.

  17. Local spot break: tickets on sale for Nickleback, 3 Days Grace, and some other band. Living in Iowa is awesome.

    Jealous Chicago?!

  18. My 17 year old niece was just in town and mentioned that band. I was trying to really wow her by explaining how I run a world renowned music website and blew it all by having no idea who the fuck she was talking about.

  19. Screw you all. I like that damn Snow Patrol song.

    I kicked my husband off for a minute to comment. I had to take my chance to defend the song.

    I’ll now let him back on to join the fun.

  20. Oh, who was that dude who won the Oscar for best documentary a few years ago and jumped out of his wheelchair? He just bum rushed Jay-Z and did his freaky dance all over the place.

  21. Thanks, Derek – back at ya.

    Is the Jay-Z supposed to be a tie-in to Dreamgirls? (That’s all those vegas-y showgirls remind me of.)

    Gavin, Gavin…such a mumbler!

    Wait, there’s an “every kiss begins with Kay” interview lounge?! That hits new lows in product placement.

  22. Tell me this Dixie Chicks number is not a great protest song. We have so few that say anything AND are musically interesting. It’s not “Ohio” but I have to admit I dig it in the same way a part of me likes Tori Amos.

  23. The Dixie Chicks are asking America to start a revolution. A quiet, polite, not too offensive so our PR team doesn’t have to work over the holiday, revolution.

  24. Earnest 9/11 songs bore me. And yikes…the backdrop with the buildings?

    Seems pretty timid. They’ve got an audience full of liberal Hollywood/music types, where’s the “screw Bush” type of song? It’d bring the house down.

  25. I want to see Jack Black bite off Barry Manillow’s head–like Ozzy used to do with bats.

    That would be frickin’ awesome!

  26. Who let Dave Grohl out of his cage? Is he related to Jack Black? He stole his hair cut.

    I love Jack Black and KG, but pushing your movies and websites on these shows is lame. I don’t know why it bothers me; that’s what these shows are all about. It just seems so small.

  27. But…isn’t the guitar riff in the Tenacious D song actually the same one from “Rhianna” by Fleetwood Mac?

    Sounds suspiciously similar to me…

  28. I like Kirk Franklin’s casual Hollister style. He’s a lil fella! I think I could put him in my pocket right next to my works.

    Give the dude props for that speech calling out fake Christians though.

  29. The Pepto commercials freak me out. They always focus on the girl when they get to “diarrhea” in the songs. They’re forcing America’s men to accept that our women poop. It’s not right.

  30. OH! Vanessa Williams gets flagged for a flagrant foul for actually saying that stupid “all night long” line.

    Nicole needs some poundage. Seriously. Girlie looks ill.

  31. Hmmm, either Rascal Flats knew they were winning the Text In Award (oooh, DRINK!), or they were getting ready to pounce on Ashley Simpson and force her to eat the pounds of flesh she so richly deserves.

  32. goddamned. who lets manilow even open his mouth anymore? and on the AMAs? i thought he was just kitch these days. am i the only one? because otherwise i’m out of touch with american music in ways i cannot describe.

  33. Derek-I was thinking the same thing…about the violence. Seriously. I’m drinking a banana/strawberry smoothie and eating a slice of pumpkin bread. Yet I’m feeling violence surge inside of me life I just drank a pint of kesler’s whiskey

  34. Kimmel – ouch! with the dig at Clay.

    Okay, here we go-some Curious George music.

    Ever see that Chappelle show that John Mayer was on? It was actually kind of amusing.

  35. i think so. and if kanye gets shut out, we’d all better take cover or we’re gonna hear more rage than michael richards in compton.

  36. Well, that may have been the most anti-climatic end to an awards show on television awards show history. But I guess the whole thing was a failed launch, so what did I expect?

    America’s eternal teenager may want to hand the reigns over to someone born within the last three or four decades. Or maybe just give it to William Shatner who appears to be the most entertaining man on television today. Think of how freaky he could make this shit.

    So the big winner of the night was clearly Mary J, and that’s fine. I get that she’s a legend in her field and all but I have yet to see a performance worthy of the praise.

    The ongoing disturbing blend of country and pop is hitting absurd lows with Billy Ray Cyrus sporting the same hairdo as my mom and some chubby gas station workers remaking one of the worst songs of the last two decades of shit adult contempory music–and winning awards for it!

    Hip continues to falter as uninspired MCs are backed by rahashing DJs. When Snoop Dogg, a man who first blew open hip hop over 15 years ago, delivers the freshest track of the night, you know the genre is fucked.

    The American Music Awards are supposed to represent the best in American music and if that’s true, this country’s in worse shape than anything Barack Obama can fix.

  37. Nicolson asked how these things were chosen:

    “Winners of the American Music Awards are selected by the public. A national sampling of approximately 20,000, taking into account geographic location, age, sex and ethnic origin, will be sent ballots by the National Family Opinion, Inc. firm under the supervision of Broadcast Research and Consulting, Inc. Names of the nominees on the ballot were compiled from data supplied by the music industry trade publication, Radio & Records and Nielsen Soundscan, which tracks retail music sales.”

    So the nominations are based on sales. Then 20,000 rednecks and housewives and half-bright teenagers select the winners.

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