John Mayer Playboy Interview Excerpts

A platinum record is not going to wash your ass for you.So everybody’s heard about John Mayer‘s Playboy interview ( link). The big news is that he used the n word. Which was stupid, but if you read it in context you can see what he was trying to say. Whatever though. Dude’s a dingbat.

My favorite part of the interview is where Playboy asks him, “If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?” His response is 100% pure, uncut DB:

It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very.

Those songs are undeniably pandering, and dude, you’re a douche bag. But you were hilarious on the Chappelle show, so you get a GLONO pass.

If you don’t feel comfortable visiting Playboy‘s web site, we’ve gathered together some of our favorite parts of the interview below…

PLAYBOY: Did you send Aniston a copy of the CD after it was done?


PLAYBOY: Maybe she’ll download it from BitTorrent.

MAYER: If Jennifer Aniston knows how to use BitTorrent I’ll eat my fucking shoe. One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, “These are the new rules.”

PLAYBOY: You mean the rules of celebrity have changed since Friends made her a star?

MAYER: I said, “Tom Cruise put on a fat suit.” That pretty much sums up the past decade: Tom Cruise with a comb-over, dancing to Flo Rida in Tropic Thunder. And the world went, “Welcome back, Tom Cruise.”

PLAYBOY: What’s the moral there?

MAYER: You have to show that you don’t take yourself seriously. Once you do that, people will say you’re cool: “You know what? I gotta say I never liked him until he made fun of himself, and now I like him.”

PLAYBOY: You and Aniston got back together and broke up again in 2009. How many women did you sleep with in the eight months after the breakup?

MAYER: I’m going to say four or five. No more.

PLAYBOY: That’s a reasonable number.

MAYER: But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number. So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops. It’s been so long since I’ve taken a random girl home. I don’t want to have to submit myself for approval. I don’t want to audition. I’d rather come home and edge my shit out for 90 minutes. At this point, before I can have sex I need to know somebody. Unless she’s a 14 out of 10.

PLAYBOY: In 2006 you began dating Jessica Simpson, and the paparazzi started stalking you, turning you into a tabloid fixture. Certainly you knew that was going to happen.

MAYER: It wasn’t as direct as me saying “I now make the choice to bring the paparazzi into my life.” I really said, “I now make the choice to sleep with Jessica Simpson.” That was stronger than my desire to stay out of the paparazzi’s eye. That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.

PLAYBOY: You were addicted to Jessica Simpson?

MAYER: Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.

PLAYBOY: But before you dated her you thought of yourself as the kind of guy who would never date Jessica Simpson.

MAYER: That’s correct. There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.”

MAYER: I make mainstream music. I don’t believe in guilty pleasures; I believe in pleasures. I know where I stand when I hear Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA” or “The Climb”—which may be the best pop song of the past year.

PLAYBOY: It’s a little surprising that you like Miley Cyrus so much.

MAYER: I took a friend and his kids to see Miley Cyrus in Vegas. After the show I said to her, “That was fantastic. Fantastic.” I said, “Take $100,000, put it in a shoe box and bury it in your backyard.” I walked away thinking, That may be the strangest thing I’ve ever said. It just means put a little away. Have something nobody can ever take away from you.

PLAYBOY: Keep a secret fund in case you wake up at three a.m. thinking, Screw this, and you need to disappear?

MAYER: Exactly. That’s what I do with my blackjack winnings—I keep them safe and sound.

PLAYBOY: From following your Twitter feed we’ve learned about many of your interests. For instance, you love the Toto Washlet bidet.

MAYER: God, I want one.

PLAYBOY: But you already have platinum records and stardom.

MAYER: A platinum record is not going to wash your ass for you.

MAYER: People are lining up around the block right now to watch me play music tonight. If some kid called me a douche bag on his terrible blog, I don’t really care. I’m letting myself out of my own prison. I’m not going to be a prisoner to a warden I can’t see. From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the shit out of me. I’ve been so afraid of rocking the boat that I’m not sailing anywhere. I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That’s fucked up, man. I’m not dating. I’m not even fucking. So now I’m going to experiment with “fuck you.” In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever.

John Mayer: iTunes, Amazon, Insound, wiki

32 thoughts on “John Mayer Playboy Interview Excerpts”

  1. yeah, but… my body IS a wonderland. And he was the only one to see it. So… I can’t just dismiss him as a douche. he’s like crack to me. I just want to snort $10,000 of his terrible, terrible music.

  2. Where to start? Hmm, let’s see…the bit about his and Anison’s age difference is the key to everything else: I hate to generalize but he’s part of a generation that worships diarrhea of the mouth (or keyboard as it were) with very little understanding of privacy or instinctual self-preservation; everything’s one big joke…

    I dunno…I find myself having more interesting conversations with 19 year olds than those 10 years their senior.

  3. Are people really complaining? This was solid gold.

    Dude’s a riot, and he needs to keep talking. His interviews are much more entertaining than his music.

  4. Actually, Chris Martin’s appearance on Extras was way funnier than Mayer on the Chappelle show (where Mayer was basically a prop for Chappelle.) And sorry, but even looking past the use of a racial slur, I get what he’s saying in the article and I still think it’s fucked up. He’s a white boy who gets a pass because he did one funny thing once? Sorry, he’s basically saying “some of my best friends are Black.” And that just doesn’t cut it–or it shouldn’t–today. (Beyond that, he’s a sexist piece of crap in the entire article. Seriously. He made me feel sympathy for Jessica Simpson–and that is just *not* okay.)

  5. Seconded. Chris Martin was hilarious on Extras (and very believable). Coldplay the band were hilarious on SNL when they performed that last hit of theirs where they all wore those Sgt. Peppery-suits and stood in a line and played Big Drums. Although I’m pretty sure that wasn’t meant to be funny.

  6. people need to loosen up. everyone is so damn focused on the negative part of his statements. overall, he was f****n hilarious, and he truly let the public, and most importantly, his fans know that he is human, just like them. he made jokes about his ex girlfriends, laughed about modern racism and poked fun at his own life “thats f****d up, man. I’m not dating. I’m not even f*****g.” how many celebreties have you heard say something like that outside of a filmset. he speaks his mind, and people sometimes need a reality check to remember that every star/celebrity/famous person is just like them, except with a spotlight tracking their every move. if john mayer can offer that reality check, fuck it, let him talk.

  7. i agree with that, people realy do blindly follow the tabloids and news. they never stop to think about what that famous actor is feeling, or what that musician is coping with. everything that these celebrities do is monitored by a vast system of worthless pricks (paparazzi) making a living off of other peoples blunders and problems. if some teen pop sensation has a zit on his/her face one morning, the picture is enlarged and enhanced, then spread across the globe so thousands, scratch that, millions of worthless hollywood worshippers can gossip about this person they dont even know. just imagine what that celebrity feels. waking up knowing that a couple million people are going to crack some joke about their facial smoothness. if john mayer can bring some sort of humanity to the pop culture, let him. its a nice change that i hope will catch on.

  8. Word, seriously everyone needs to relax.. He is very sarcastic in a funny way and obviously a lot of what he said was meant to be funny but it was also so REAL.Lighten up people. He is just speaking what is on his mind and being hiself and also not trying to be so serious about it all. And what he said about Jessica and Jennifer was not at all bad.. He loved sleeping with Jessica Simpson she was great in the sack and HELLLLOOOO it was a PLAYBOY interview.. Am I the only one that got that?????????????????? And so what Jennifer ANiston isnt that computer savvy and he sait it, so the fuck what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its prob the truth, damn.. His music is phenomanal. He is GREAT live, he can play the shit out of a guitar.. The man has got serious talent.. Lets face it.. Michael Jackson was accused of molesting kids and people still respect the man so really lets just relax!!!Love you John Mayer…I guess it takes a certain kind of person to understand..

  9. I found what he had to say about his girlfriends/ex-girlfriends to be in poor taste.

    I don’t a flip about how talented he is. He crossed line. Period

  10. Mayer is such a hypocrite and out and out lier, JMO.

    I think it is obvious that his true addiction is reading about himself in the media.

    He deliberately does things and chooses to involve himself with particular high profile women because he knows it will get coverage in the press.

    And now he claims he is oppressed by the paps. Who is he kidding?

    This guy lives for the paparazzi. He barely comes up for air.

  11. Ha I totally love every word he said though some others may think he probably shouldn’t have said since he’s a celeb under all that scruitiny but honestly people you know half the things he was talking about you probably did the same thing its just you don’t have people readign about what you are saying in the morning so screw you all selfrighteous sob’s John Mayer can fuck me left right and center I think he is super sexy and he could just lay there and let me do all the work if he wanted hahaha and who gives a fuck about that to all who disagree here’s a little advice. Bite me bitches

  12. Hey if it wasn’t for Mayer and others that say and do stuff what would this web site be talking about?

    Anything? Guns & Roses, Bon Jovi and 100’s of bands and signers have done the same stuff he has it is just more public now. Why should we care, get a life of your own and make your own news.

  13. I’m gonna fuck me a lil piece o Mayers white ass. He like pork n chicken n shit, he my secret piece o white meat and I’m gonna make that fuckstick wear me like a feedbag. I’m waitin fo his pretty ass here in Folsom

  14. I never was much of a Mayer fan until I saw an interview with him and then his “Story Tellers” gig where i hung on every word because he’s intelligent, charismatic and articulate as hell. This Playboy interview just took my impression of him to another level. I’ll add hilarious to the list of his qualities. And don’t forget the fuck you attitude which just means he’s willing to speak his mind. Put it all together and you get one helluva entertaining guy. The fact that he’s a great singer/songwriter/guitarist puts him in rare air indeed.

  15. Quit knocking the dude for being stupid, pathetic or whatever, you turds are getting into a tizzy about some dumb-witted moron says in a pornography magazine. Priceless.

  16. John can say whatever the fuck he wants to say. He IS a bit douchey though. But some of these girls only defend what he said cause he’s sexy? Fuuuck if an ugly dude said this you guys would be all over that. I’d be ashamed to call you bitches ladies haha

  17. So John Mayer doesn;t like black girls. How about Tiger Woods, he is half black but has he ever been seen with a black girl

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