According to Cruise Market Watch, “Worldwide, the ocean cruise industry has an annual passenger compound annual growth rate of 6.63% from 1990 – 2020,” and for 2018, they’re estimating that some 26-million lucky people will be living the buffet life on the high seas.

And they’ve calculated that “Only 53% of the target North American market (or 24% of the whole U.S. population) have ever taken an ocean cruise.” Somehow the idea that 24% of the entire U.S. population has taken an ocean cruise strikes me as being more than moderately bizarre, but there it is.

That 47% of the target North American market that remains to set sail may be vastly diminished come February 14, 2019, because that Valentine’s Day, the “2019 Ultimate Disco Cruise” will embark from Fort Lauderdale to Key West to Cozumel and back, with a whole host of acts that will undoubtedly cause so much rocking on the Celebrity Infinity that Dramamine will be in short supply.

There is a lineup including the Spinners, Rose Royce (admit it: you’ve felt a foot twitch when you’ve heard “Car Wash” on the radio), KC and the Sunshine Band, Kool & the Gang, and a whole lot more.

And what’s more, this mirrored-ball-on-the-high-seas is going to be hosted by Deney Terrio, the man who brought “Dance Fever” to TV screens across the country. (No word if Terrio will be supported by his pair of talented sidekicks. . .Motion.)

Now at this point—or well before this point—some of you were sniffing with distain about this experience that is being put on by StarVista LIVE (not sure about the seemingly random typography, which could just as well have been sTARvista live, although that would seem to emphasize a viscous hydrocarbon).

But you’d undoubtedly take back that sniff were you to know that the organization also orchestrates the Malt Shop Memories Cruise, the Soul Train Cruise, the Country Music Cruise, Flower Power Cruise, ’70s Rock & Romance Cruise, the Southern Rock Cruise, Ultimate Disco Cruise, and Abbey Road on the River Festival.

About the last-named. It is on land. In Jeffersonville, Indiana. The most recent was this past May, with America and Vanilla Fudge headlining. The former was presented by a radio station that calls itself “Relics,” which seems rather archeological. The latter is described as “The Fathers of Psychedelic Rock,” and I think that is a little generous from the genealogical point of view, as there have been generations of psychedelic rockers since.

However.

Many of you are strong, solid fans of the Beatles, which the Abbey Road on the River Festival is dedicated to. The event labels itself as “The World’s Largest Beatles-Inspired Music Festival.” (The adjective “inspired” might be something of a red flag, but we’ll let that go.)

Should you count yourself among the devotees of the Fab Four, I would like you to immediately go to this page, then scroll to the section titled “Lineup.” Yes, that’s what John, Paul, George, and Ringo have wrought. Dedication the likes of which is hard to fathom.

You may never hear Abbey Road the same again.

But there’s always “Car Wash.” Yeah.