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Don’t Be a Frigtard: Read This Book

Options: The Secret Life of Steve JobsoPtion$: The Secret Life of Steve Jobs by Fake Steve Jobs (Da Capo Press; $22.95)

Although we haven’t done any GloNo demographic research that would prove this statement, I am fairly confident that it would be statistically true in an overwhelming manner that the computer you are reading this on has a version of iTunes on it. What’s more, I’ll go out on a limb about the thickness of a trunk and further proclaim that you own at least one iPod.

I daresay that the concentration of Mac users is probably nearly as high among GloNo readers—or would-be GloNo readers, if only they knew about the site—as among any defined group not in the employ of Apple.

All of this is not to demonstrate my nascent Kreskin-like abilities, but to say that you’d have a particular appreciation for oPtion$, the novel by Fake Steve Jobs. The book is the natural outcome of the blog “The Secret Life of Steve Jobs.” Natural in that Fake Steve Jobs is the Real Daniel Lyons, an editor at Forbes, and guys who work for publications aimed at prosperous, influential and wealthy readers know that while there is little (or no) money in blogging, there is money in book publishing. Natural like the hand of Adam Smith.

This is easily the funniest book in ages—and I am not counting ages in the life cycles of iPods. Jobs has been on the scene since 1984, when the original Macintosh was released. He was punked by John Sculley in 1985—that didn’t take long, did it—but made his way back to the top of the company in 1998. The iMac, iPod and iTunes have all cemented his place in public consciousness. And Fake Steve Jobs is nothing but aware of his significance: “my wealth is deserved. Name one person from the past hundred years who has made a bigger contribution to the world than I have. See what I mean?” But the life of El Jobso isn’t as easy as plenty of frigtards would like to think. “Of course the bad part of being such a mega-rich mega-famous mega-creative genius is that you spend your life walking around with a target on your back. Sure, most people are just appropriately worshipful and grateful for what I do. But there are always a few jerks who want to knock you down a peg.”

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