Songs That Make You Want To Commit Murder

This is the place where you can vent whatever's on your mind. Feel free to go off on extended rants or brief blurbs about whatever's rocking your world.

Moderators: D. Phillips, Jake

WildMercurySound
GLONO Board Pimp
Posts: 117
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2003 7:24 pm
Location: UK
Contact:

Post by WildMercurySound »

Along with Hanson, Green Day are one of my guilty pleasures. Takes me back to being 15, bored and stoned.
Chris G
Dotman
Posts: 1215
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 12:40 am
Location: N.Y.C.

Post by Chris G »

.
.
blackshoestring wrote:I am programmed to kill if anyone should play Phil Collins' Sussudio.

Songwriters, take note. If you're ever stumped, why not toss out some shitty gibberish? The public will gobble it up like popcorn. Same goes for fucking ABACAB.
There are a lot of bad songs. Sussudio, Macarana and whatever that song is that goes, "I... had.. the time of my li-i-ife, and I've never felt..." I think that last one goes down as the single worst song ever recorded, ever in the history of recorded music.

.
.
Chris G
Dotman
Posts: 1215
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 12:40 am
Location: N.Y.C.

Post by Chris G »

.
.

WildMercurySound, there is another thread for guilty pleasure music. This is not that thread. This is for song that you HATE so much you reach for a weapon, presumably to impale the the individual responsible for forcing the song upon you.

For guilty pleasure, go to this thread here:
http://www.gloriousnoise.com/bb/viewtop ... y+pleasure

.
.
worpswede
GLONO Board Maniac
Posts: 1810
Joined: Tue Aug 31, 2004 5:43 pm
Location: (((IOWA)))

Post by worpswede »

Once I moved from working at a hip public radio station to a top 40 station. I suddenly learned that the Music Director had a love for the band Chicago and that they actually had hits after Peter Cetera left. Personally, I felt that Chicago even with Peter Cetera was bad enough. That is, until I was "forced" to play their hit "Look Away" from some late 80's album (Chicago 218?!) without the vocal workings of Mr. Cetera. I believe he was doing some shit with Amy Grant by this time. Whatever the case, I could not believe that "Look Away" could even be a "hit" based on the lack of melody and retardo lyrics (I know, hard to believe from a band that gave us the Dylan-esque "25 Or 6 To 4"). I played the fucker once and ignored it each and every time it came back on the playlist again.
I've got to also give Europe a mention for "Final Countdown." What the fuck is with that synth at the beginning?!
Whenever I hear those songs, I immediately start screaming like Hank Rollins at the end of "Gun In Mouth Blues."
Sven Killer Robot Spacema
GLONO Board Maniac
Posts: 1616
Joined: Fri Jul 02, 2004 1:57 pm
Location: Just south of Stankonia

Post by Sven Killer Robot Spacema »

I've got to also give Europe a mention for "Final Countdown." What the fuck is with that synth at the beginning?!

Once complete sober I was so inspired by the new level of suck achieved by Europe that I jumped through a doorway screaming "It's the final C...."
I cracked my head off the wall before I could complete my song.
Heitzie
GLONO Board Mack Daddy
Posts: 373
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2004 2:49 am
Location: Vermillion, SD

Post by Heitzie »

4 Non Blondes "What's Up" - worst vocal ever
Phil Collins "Sussudio" (unless it's in the movie "American Psycho" which always puts a smile on my face)
Spears "Oops I did it Again" -
Ataris cover of "Boys of Summer"
John Mayer "Your Body is a Wonderland"
Jason Mraz "The Remedy"
Jimmy Buffet "Margaritaville" esp when people start singing along
Jimmy Buffet "Cheesebuger in Paradise"
Any other Jimmy Buffet
Alanis Morrissette - anything off "Jagged Little Pill"
Def Leppard "Let's get Rocked"
dieblucasdie
GLONO Board Maniac
Posts: 1344
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2003 3:25 pm
Location: Chicago

Post by dieblucasdie »

Heitzie wrote: Ataris cover of "Boys of Summer"
GOOD call. I didn't think I could hate that song any more. Kudos, Ataris!
Jiggle Billy
GLONO Board Kingpin
Posts: 594
Joined: Tue Dec 10, 2002 3:27 pm

Post by Jiggle Billy »

As much as I like Steely Dan, "Dirty Work" has to be one of my least favorite songs of ALL TIME.

Funny thing -- on my last day of customer service phone answering bullshit, I talked to a guy from Sweden. What was he listening to? Yes, that's right: Dancing Queen. (Strongly dislike that one too.)

Funny, it all seems to boil down to songs that were in perpetual rotation at my first job ever -- grocery store cashier.

On a non work-related note, I have to say that "Stacy's Mom" is not only one of my least favorite songs of all time, but one of the WORST songs of all time.
Greenwood The Sock Monkey
GLONO Board Mack Daddy
Posts: 303
Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2003 8:17 pm
Location: Oil Country

Post by Greenwood The Sock Monkey »

I’ll dispense with the obvious. Novelty songs (“I’m Too Sexy”, “Mambo #5”, “The Macarena”, “Who Let The Dogs Out”) are murder-inciting purely because of their omnipresence, at least for the year of their unfortunate debut. Novelty songs are the common currency of people who browse music instead of love music. Everyone ends up with a pocketful of this lint every time they get out of bed; you don’t even have to actively search it out, it finds you. Most music lovers would agree that even a bona fide classic such as “Like A Rolling Stone” would drive you completely batshit if you heard it once an hour for six months. Never mind the prefabricated fluff of a German über-svengali and his six-packed progeny. Novelty songs exist purely to annoy, like dandruff or Ryan Seacrest.

I’ll even dispense with the marginally-less obvious: the groups that exist purely to retread roads pioneered by others and pave them with new, more derivative layers of shit. This means you, Creed, Hoobastank, Switchfoot, Marcy Playground, 3rd Eye Blind. Or worse, the bands that start out by ripping off crappy bands (think Nickelback, Evanescence, Matchbox 20) and polish the music JUST ENOUGH to warrant crossover radio play. So instead of annoying the avid music listener on just the modern rock radio station, the same garbage ALSO gets played on the “top 40” station, the “alternative” station, the “lite rock” station, at the grocery store, in commercials, at weddings, on cell phone ringtones, in the police cruiser after my cross-border murder spree…

But here are the three songs that are so terrible and so egregious that before hearing the third bar my carotid arteries are primed to burst and spray their fury across the room:

3. I Love Rock And Roll – Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

Where to start? The cheeseball ‘80s production values? The low-rent Pat Benetar image? The so-called “attitude”? Every single time I hear this song I’m teleported back to one of my late-‘80s high school sock hops. Picture a gymful of pasty-white douchebags in acid washed jeans gyrating erratically a la Elaine Bennis, slipping out occasionally to down a fifth of lemon gin or peach schnapps. Do they really love rock & roll? Please, hammer some rusty spikes into my eardrums.

2. Roxy Roller – Sweeney Todd

From what I have gathered, Sweeney Todd were a cheeseball Canadian glam rock band who emerged at least two years after glam’s "best before" date. They may be most notorious for giving a pubescent Bryan Adams one of his first gigs, which set things in motion for the travesty that was “Everything I Do, I Do It For You”. Sweeney Todd recorded “Roxy Roller” no fewer than three times with three different lead vocalists, which is tragic because it SUCH A CRAPTACULAR SONG. To call the lyrics trite would give trite a bad name. The melody is so moronic, it makes the hum of a refrigerator sound like “Yesterday”. With this alleged song, the sum is even less than the parts. “Roxy Roller” is like a b-side tossed off in a drug-fuelled haze on the worst day of T-Rex’s career.

1. Smooth – Santana w/ Rob Thomas

Whomever had the brilliant idea of pairing up classic-rock has-been Carlos Santana with douche-rock never-will-be Rob Thomas should be summarily executed. It’s bad enough that Santana’s Paul Reed Smith guitar noodling has been so processed it sounds like it endured six trips through the ball bearing factory to polish off every conceivable edge. Pair that to the inimitable shit-in-mouth vocal stylings of Rob Thomas and you have a recipe for disaster. As though hearing this song 40,000 times wasn’t punishment enough for the public at large, the music industry deemed it necessary to unload enough Grammys on this shit sandwich to make Quincy Jones jealous. Santana should be banned from collaborating with anyone under 40 ever again. Rob Thomas should be wrapped in vapour barrier and bludgeoned to death by me with a 32-ounce baseball bat. Serious contender for Worst… Song… Ever!

GTSM
worpswede
GLONO Board Maniac
Posts: 1810
Joined: Tue Aug 31, 2004 5:43 pm
Location: (((IOWA)))

Post by worpswede »

Greenwood The Sock Monkey wrote: 3. I Love Rock And Roll – Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

Where to start? The cheeseball ‘80s production values? The low-rent Belinda Carlisle image? The so-called “attitude”? Every single time I hear this song I’m teleported back to one of my late-‘80s high school sock hops. Picture a gymful of pasty-white douchebags in acid washed jeans gyrating erratically a la Elaine Bennis, slipping out occasionally to down a fifth of lemon gin or peach schnapps. Do they really love rock & roll? Please, hammer some rusty spikes into my eardrums.
Wow. Harsh. It was released in '81, prior to the advent of chesseball 80's production and (slightly) prior to The Go-Go's rise to fame. Indeed, I suggest that Jett's work with The Runaways assisted in breaking down with the "Look it's an all chick rock band" mentality. I'm waiting for someone to reference Fanny now. It was one of those songs that got played to death to the point where I could live without hearing it again; I'll grant you that. But to suggest that Ms. Jett's attitude is somehow contrived is a little unfair. My opinion is that for nearly 30 years she has been an important figure in rock music and, for many of those, done things on her own terms. Before you label me as a hardcore fan, understand that the only Joan Jett I own is a 7" single of "Backlash," a song with Paul Westerberg from the early 90's on her own Blackheart label. If you had chosen Britney's version of "I.L.R.&.R." or, hell, even "I Hate Myself For Loving You" (there's your cheeseball 80's production!) I would hold no grudge against your choices.

I've got to throw out another: Warrant's "Cherry Pie" If you want a good laugh, see how 10 years out of the spotlight has treated the members of Warrant by visiting their website.
Post Reply