Jake has long bemoaned the fact that British singers all sound like pansies. [Specifically, English singers -ed.] It’s his main argument for abandoning a genre that once fueled his music collection and has led to hilarious arguments at countless bars with me and Loftus. But is the Old Man right?
MuchMusic has a list of the The 10 Fiercest British Frontmen Of The Past Decade and I gotta say, there’s a fair amount of dandy-ism on display and maybe only one dude I definitely wouldn’t fight in an alley (Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher, who I am sure would fight dirty to protect his hair).
Seven sissies I could stomp and three dudes I would not fight after the jump.
Some limp-wristed contestants:
#10 Razorlight’s Johnny Borrell – This kid prances around the stage in super tight white jeans and no shirt. Think Tattoo You-era Mick Jagger without Keith backing him up with a knife in his teeth.
#9 Pulp’s Jarvis Cocker – I love Jarvis as he’s the best interview this side of Morrissey, but even he would admit to being anything but “fierce” unless we’re talking about the Project Runway variety.
#7 Coldplay’s Chris Martin – Um, have these dudes HEARD Coldplay? I will put my street cred on the line by admitting to liking several Coldplay songs, but this dude is not scaring me at any hour.
#6 Keane’s Tom Chaplin – This kid’s weight fluctuates so much that I think an intervention is in order. When he’s fat he looks like young Benny Hill. When he’s skinny he looks like old Benny Hill. I ain’t afraid to fight Benny Hill.
#5 Ian Brown – You’ll be hard pressed to find a bigger fan of the Stone Roses than the guy tapping out these letters, but Ian patented the British style of whisper-singing. Without Reni on the drums, he’s easy pickins.
#3 Richard Ashcroft – The man who stole Ian Brown’s shtick on the Roses’ B-Side “Something’s Burning” and made an entire career of it. I love The Verve (1.0) and like a handful of his solo gear but he’s edging mighty close to light rock territory. I’d be more afraid of Al Stewart.
#1 Depeche Mode’s Dave Gahan – Do I really have to explain this? I mean, at least Martin Gore was into all that weird bondage shit. THAT is tough in an East End hustler sort of way, but Gahan may be the epitome of Jake’s theory.
So that leaves three entries who may be somewhat hard:
Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs, who does indeed strike me as a bad ass.
Matt Bellamy from Muse, mainly because they’re so loud they would probably melt my brain.
Liam Gallagher from Oasis. Make no mistake that I think Noel is the real badass in that band though.
Can ANYone name five British lead singers of the last 20 years who do not sound like little girls?